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+10 votes
in Intimacy by (224,970 points)

28 Answers

+9 votes
Best answer

Not at all. If you want someone else other than the person you are involved with or married to, BREAK IT OFF FIRST!   Don't demean yourself by being a cheater!  And exposing your partner to STD's !  Get out of the relationship because if they are not fulfilling you and you need someone else, you don't have a relationship to save and you certainly DO NOT LOVE THEM!! 

by (440,860 points)
selected by

all of that can be solved by waiting to marry the right person.  Most people are not patient

+9 votes

No.   Open marriages are one thing, but the deception of an affair is not OK.

+7 votes

My understanding is that by definition any explanation offered is by definition an excuse.


Good point!

+9 votes

not if you married the right person to begin with.  If you marry the right person to begin with, you would never think of it because you would have no reason to.

I do not feel sorry for someone who has an affair.  I feel sorry that they don't love themselves enough to leave first.

I would much rather have divorced parents than watching roomates be the sole example of a loving relationship growing up

Time is simply how we live our lives-Craig Sager

by (1,180,830 points)
+10 votes

Only one. And that's not even an excuse. Not really.

Ever read "Lady Chatterly's Lover?"

Even then she got out and didn't stay with the dude.

So in conclusion?
Nope. No. Nuh-uh. never never EVER any excuse for an affair.

And in my book? There's just no "coming back" from that. The relationship is destroyed. It's over. If you stay together, it's a brand new, totally different relationship with brand new, totally different people - in the same old bodies. 

by (463,740 points)
+10 votes

Yes, however the individuals involved provide the explanations.  I do not judge anymore.......

“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,820,060 points)
+6 votes

I don't think so. Lying to your partner, and sleeping with someone else behind their back is just awful. I wouldn't cheat on my partner, I can't even think of a situation where that would even be plausible. 

If someone is unhappy, they should end the relationship before they even talk to a new potential partner.

"I'll make sure to sin in as many entertaining ways as possible before I die." - Sheogorath

by (572,200 points)
+5 votes
Well, there are different parameters and boundaries for each relationship. 

What we'd constitute as an affair may be just business as usual for another.

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." - Muhammad Ali

by (1,226,950 points)
+7 votes

You've got to understand why people do it. Some may sympathise if the person is stuck with a complete asshole and is afraid to leave due to physical threats. People probably would have no sympathy for someone who just cheated for the Adrenalin rush of possibly being caught.

Life is what you make it.

by (4,056,441 points)
+5 votes


I.Am.Iron Man.

by (415,000 points)
+4 votes


by (229,210 points)
+8 votes
People will justify most everything they do, especially if it is something most others will view as wrong or improper.  I knew a woman years ago who was in a most abusive marriage, met another guy, began an affair with him. I think it saved her, he gave her the courage to leave her husband who basically said he would kill her if she ever left.  She had been through so much for years  Right or wrong, the affair saved her, mentally and physically too.  People  might say, she should have left hubby first, but she was literally scared to death of him and what he might do.
by (86,940 points)
+7 votes

If there is a true affair,  there is an excuse. I would,  nor could I ever have had enjoyed such a pastime,  but have known of several situations where I know the couples have considered every possibility and all invloved. It involved terminanl illnesses, long lonely years, and further excuses worked out among each other to make their spouses feel better. Some spouses will agree to anything to please their significant other. When I was in a nursing facility doing rehab, I saw a man who would visit his wife daily and then go out on his dates with the woman who worked in the business office. Like we didn't see it and she didn't know. She had lived at this facility for years,  and I suppose this has been going on for who knew how long. Things happen and people change.  Change to suit the change in time and people. Be true to yourself and your ♥.  You don't want it to attack you!!!

I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received. ~Antonio Porchia

by (421,210 points)
+4 votes

After watching that movie Obsessed, I would have to say no. That's why they have swingers now which is more acceptable in my book.

"Tangled is the web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Raleigh

by (560,280 points)
+5 votes

In my world no. 

~~~Every time you fail to upvote me, a puppy dies a horrible death.~~~

by (428,890 points)
+4 votes

No, there isn't a real excuse, however we are only human and we sometimes love two or even more people at the time, we are social and sexual beings, so we do things that are normal in nature but not allowed by the society we live in.
In ancient Hawaii, people didn't even know what having affairs mean. A man sleeps with any woman that turns him on, and so does a woman. All the kids belong to the whole island so they didn't see a problem in having multiple partners.
So why do most white Westerners see a problem with having sex with more partners than one ?
It is because our society has rules stemming from religious moral rules of organized religions like Catholicism and Christian religions.
What really pisses me off are pastors and priests who are sexually abusing kids but are preaching against affairs. There is no worst hypocrite than a religious person who thinks that he or she can set rules for other people, but is not role models for anyone. Not only that they are not role models they are borderline criminals.
No pagan religion ever had a problem with this issue of affairs.
So why worry if there is or isn't a real excuse, go with a flow and enjoy life.

by (359,440 points)
+2 votes

Have you ever read "The Red and the Black" by Stendhal ? Or "Therese Raquin" by Zola ? Yikes, the novels scared me to death !!!
They both are about a high price to pay for cheating !

by (359,440 points)

And.. people can pay a high price for cheating.  I knew a guy years ago who told me he had an affair, and caught Herpes in the process. He just said over and over, "what am I going to do?"  He was actually wringing his hands, stressed out facial expression to the max.  I told him to start preparing for divorce court.


Was any of all this angst about cheating, per se, or about the people who cheated? I don't think cheating is so much the problem as the symptom, in many cases.

As for the fellow who got herpes, for example: This was about not having safe sex and irresponsible sexual behavior. I don't see how it had anything to do with cheating, per se. You can get herpes from saliva, so what if the person who was afraid to tell his partner about his disease had given some old lady a kiss for courage, to comfort her, after watching her discover she had a terminal disease? My point is that you can get herpes in a perfectly "innocent" fashion. It has nothing necessarily to do with some "price" for so-called cheating.

+3 votes

Absolutely not! 

by (4,550 points)
+3 votes
Absolutely not. If you love someone, you should stay loyal to them no matter the circumstances. 
by (4,550 points)
+5 votes

No there is no an excuse, but we have to study who ever had in an affair coz we can't judge someone we don't know what he/she going through.

by (29,000 points)
+4 votes

No. An affair is never right and causes nothing but pain for all involved.  It is temporary. Eventually, one will leave and do this again with another person.  They have poor values.

by (8,310 points)
+3 votes

No. If you are that unhappy, to turn to somebody else, have the decency to talk to your partner. 

by (5,970 points)
+1 vote


by (1,580 points)
+3 votes

Yes or no. I can’t say unless I’m walking in their shoes.

by (18,600 points)
0 votes

Does there need to be an excuse for an affair? That is, do I need to have an explanation prepared, to defend myself before some tribunal?

I'm the only person who deserves an explanation. I'm not one to buy excuses, but I do hear myself out if I have a valid explanation. But I don't owe a single other living being an excuse for anything I choose to do, as long as it involves my body and my life.

The person on whom I am considering cheating would be the person who should think of an excuse for the behavior on his part, which caused me to want to cheat in the first place. But if he isn't mature enough to do this, it's irrelevant. I'm not responsible for his lack of personal maturity (the ability to accept blame is a sign of maturity), and therefore I don't owe him any hand-holding or excuses.

I would say the same to anyone in my personal dilemma, and I'm pretty sure my sisters number in the millions.

by (2,900 points)
edited by
+1 vote

No there isn’t!

by (300 points)
0 votes

No, definitely not

by (1,650 points)
0 votes

There are never good excuses...only reasons.. 

by (100 points)
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