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+2 votes
43 views

My girlfriend and I got together for some wine and conversation last Saturday.  We were talking about our relationships, etc. and as the wine flowed she suddenly blurted out, "I really, really like him but the sex situation is...weird". 

Backstory - she's been getting to know a fellow doctor at her hospital since last November.  For the first couple of months he seemed kind of indifferent about going out so she just sort of wrote him off.  In recent months he's suddenly very interested and they started to spend more and more time together.  She's had nothing but kind words to say about him; he's thoughtful, attentive, patient, fun/funny he loves spending time with her, and he's physically fit and handsome.  He's also what some will call a "big shot" ...the huge houses, the boats, the cars/toys, etc.  He's been laying it on heavy with the wining-and-dining, the sweet gestures, texts, and as a house-warming gift he's paying for a state-of-the-art alarm system at my girlfriend's new home because he wants to keep her and her daughter safe.

Sounds pretty sweet...

The problem is the sex.  She said something strange happens when they start to get hot and heavy.  I asked her if there is chemistry and if the kissing is hot (I think you can tell a lot about how the sex will be by the make-out sessions but apparently... not in this situation).  She said the foreplay is hot and they both get really horny but when it comes down to actual intercourse she said he's "hard but not hard-hard".  He clams up and suddenly the hot and heavy turns to rigid and quiet.  She said it was like that the first couple times so she chalked it up to nerves.  She decided the next time she'd try the oral route first.  She said she was down there, doing her thing and he was silent and completely still.  She was really putting in some work and then he flinched and said "wow, okay whew" and moved to sit up. I said "Oh cool so he came?" and she said "I don't know!"  I said, "[her name] you know if a man ejaculates or not, especially when you're face to face with his dick".  She asked him if everything was "good" and he enthusiastically said, "Yeah absolutely!"

She doesn't understand what's going on and she's not sure how to approach the topic with him.  I told her that I would think that as two doctors you could have an honest dialogue about this sort of thing.  Also, if it's a physical problem why can't he just ask a fellow bro-doc for options to fix whatever is going on?  She said "yeah you'd think so but it's just very awkward".  He's basically not expressing anything about what is happening. 

So finally my questions... men have you or any men that you know had physical or mental sexual complications?  What was the issue?  How it get resolved? (if at all).  How would you want a woman to approach you with this topic?  Women, have you experienced this with a man?  How did you two resolve it?

in Intimacy by (239,450 points)

5 Answers

0 votes

No, but it does make one wonder if he might be ...GAY?

by (4,754,440 points)
0
It's a possibility but for a few reasons we don't think that's the case. He's divorced with two children. He's free to do what he wants so why would he be pressing SO hard to be with her? I told her maybe it was about image amongst his colleagues or something and she said that plenty of divorced doctors just have "play things" that they bring to events and such for image's sake. He's really investing in building a relationship with her.
+1

My first thought as well was perhaps he's gay.  He may be fighting that, which although he is technically "free" since he's divorced, depending on the region you're in, he may not be that free...or if he's still in personal denial. 

0

I hear you Lav...we explored the gay possibility for a while  but it just doesn't fit. A person  knows by the age of 53 whether the D or the P appeals to them. When I say "free" I mean that there is no pressure  coming from anywhere for him to be with anyone.  There's no force for him to have a woman. Plenty  of divorced people don't  really date or enter a new serious relationship. He wants to be with her every free  moment  they have. He's super-affectionate and he looks at her like she's the foxiest lady ever. I get a zero on my gaydar when I think about their dynamic.

+1 vote

Sounds like he's had a vasectomy or has prostate cancer.   

by
+2 votes

Ok, on minimal information, I vote that he has a problem.  Duh..

Not getting real hard is a problem, but is not related to his others.  If he just cannot get it up, the medical types have invented viagra and similar.  If his heart is healthy enough for sex, viagra should help him achieve enough erection to get inside of a woman.  Although semi hard is enough to get in and a little thrusting should get enough blood flowing to pump it up fully.

But I think the problem is related to his lack of ejeculate.  If he were function normally, she would have noticed that in her mouth.  But it felt to him like he had ejaculated.  I have actually experienced that.  It feels like something happened, but it didn't.  The prostate produces this stuff, as I am sure doctors know, and his isn't working.

So, what we don't know is if the failure of the prostate is causing him other problems.  Mental or physical.  Personally, I think by now he has a fear of failure that is working to prevent him from further arousal and great sex. But I think it is a physical problem of some sort and he needs to see a professional.

Or, he might be gay.  Thinking that the right woman will turn him around.

by (1,349,910 points)
0

Sounds sexy the way you described the sex!

0

Sex is always sexy, even if it doesn't work right.  I spend half an hour visualizing the woman doing oral and then not noticing if he ejeculated.  Most women would notice.  Lol.

0

Good response Wellone...thank you. She said she knew he didn't ejaculate (which was my focus); what she didn't know is if what you mentioned  happened (an orgasm with no squirt) 

+1 vote

How old is the guy, how overweight is the guy, how much have they had to drink?

Guys get flaccid with age - no surprise

Guys get Flaccid with alcohol

It is called ED, sorry.

I do not have that problem, I still produce sperm, my weight is below standards and I exercise.  Most sexual problems are caused by alcohol. physical condition, and age.  My Great Uncle fathered his last child at 89, he was stil in the same shape as he was at 19.  Consumed little alcohol, exercised and had a healthy diet.  I do the same


“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,935,590 points)
+2 votes

Not my area of expertise but did a bit of research. No one has mentioned that dry oragasm may be caused by retrograde ejaculation. Semen is produced but goes into the bladder instead of out through the penis during sexual climax. It is often a consequence of medical procedures.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/dry-orgasm/basics/causes/sym-20050906


by (5,937,290 points)
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