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+4 votes

i was seeing a girl for about 6 to 8 months. i started to become distant and closed off because i was scared of my feelings and how serious things were getting. i said some things that were callous and ultimately she put her foot down and we broke up. The weeks following we didnt talk and i took the time to reflect on what i wanted and how i truely felt. We eventually talked and kept an open line of connection. She said she didn't want or need a relationship right now. I told her i was scared but that i was sure of how i felt about her and that i was sorry for my actions and pushing her away. We talked here and there but nothing significant.  We met up a few times played pool then had sex. This happend a few times. It was fun and felt like things used too. She wasnt on birth control and we didnt use protection. We talked about the risk of pregnancy but it still happend a few more times 2 or 3 to be exact. all the while she stead fast in not wanting anything more. She would txt me multiple times a day and we would bs and joke around. The day after the last time we hooked up she says shes getting back on bc and that she needed to take a step back and make it clear and solid she does not want a relationship or to settle down. It was crushing after all the progress and fun we'd been having. i messaged her back but got no reply. i think i came on to strong about starting over and having a life together. shes 30 im 33.Her mother has pancreatic cancer and is dying. i know she's going through a lot emotionally in life right now. I dont know what to make of, in her own words; being wishy washy. Shes made it clear that shes not interested in getting back together and i suspect even though we recently broke up there may be someone else she is talking too. But again i dont 100% know that. I love this woman but the min we get close and it feels right she pulls away. We are still connected on social media and i still have some of her belongings. Do i walk away or do i hold on wait it out and see what happens. I def do want a future with her but im confused and not sure whether to cut it off 100% or just leave things to a day to day basis.  Shes said she needs to stand up for herself and not feel like a pushover. I def hurt her. What should a guy do?

in Dating by (400 points)

1 Answer

+1 vote

“Her mother has pancreatic cancer and is dying.”

If you really care for her, be patient, give her time and be there for her, without putting on any more pressure than she already has. 

by (67,420 points)
Thats what i have been thinking. I feel awful for how i handled things. The last thing i wates to do was add more stress to her life. Shes told me in past relationships ahes let men walk on her or shes seen a bit of change and ran back foolishly. I know its selfish to do what i did and then come back full speed. It doesnt work like that. Do you think i wait for her to tx and come around or do i make a move. I just dont know how to navigate at this point. I dont want to walk away but i feel ive made myself to available to her and its a put off. 

Don’t beat yourself up over the past. From here on out is what counts. 

If I were you I’d tell her you’re there for her if she needs you, but only do it if you really mean it. She’ll need a lot of support as she grieves. 

Best of luck!

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