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+5 votes

i was seeing a girl for about 6 to 8 months. i started to become distant and closed off because i was scared of my feelings and how serious things were getting. i said some things that were callous and ultimately she put her foot down and we broke up. The weeks following we didnt talk and i took the time to reflect on what i wanted and how i truely felt. We eventually talked and kept an open line of connection. She said she didn't want or need a relationship right now. I told her i was scared but that i was sure of how i felt about her and that i was sorry for my actions and pushing her away. We talked here and there but nothing significant.  We met up a few times played pool then had sex. This happend a few times. It was fun and felt like things used too. She wasnt on birth control and we didnt use protection. We talked about the risk of pregnancy but it still happend a few more times 2 or 3 to be exact. all the while she stead fast in not wanting anything more. She would txt me multiple times a day and we would bs and joke around. The day after the last time we hooked up she says shes getting back on bc and that she needed to take a step back and make it clear and solid she does not want a relationship or to settle down. It was crushing after all the progress and fun we'd been having. i messaged her back but got no reply. i think i came on to strong about starting over and having a life together. shes 30 im 33.Her mother has pancreatic cancer and is dying. i know she's going through a lot emotionally in life right now. I dont know what to make of, in her own words; being wishy washy. Shes made it clear that shes not interested in getting back together and i suspect even though we recently broke up there may be someone else she is talking too. But again i dont 100% know that. I love this woman but the min we get close and it feels right she pulls away. We are still connected on social media and i still have some of her belongings. Do i walk away or do i hold on wait it out and see what happens. I def do want a future with her but im confused and not sure whether to cut it off 100% or just leave things to a day to day basis.  Shes said she needs to stand up for herself and not feel like a pushover. I def hurt her. What should a guy do?

in Dating by (400 points)

2 Answers

+4 votes

I think you should go.  If you want a relationship, go find someone who wants to be in one with you. 

Neither of you seems emotionally mature enough for a relationship.   When you don't want to settle down in a relationship, you DON'T have unprotected sex. That's not just stupid, it's beyond irresponsible. Both of you need a swift kick in the backside. 

I'm not trying to be harsh...but you need to stop and THINK before you act. You not only behaved in a "callous" way towards someone you claimed to care about, you engaged in an activity that could've had life-long negative repercussions for both of you.  You appear to act on your feelings without one single THOUGHT about the consequences. That will doom any relationship, whether it's romantic or professional. 

by (2,134,330 points)
+1 vote

You pushed her away first and at this point she doesn't trust you enough to want to be in a relationship with you.  Also, her mother is dying from one of the worst kinds of cancer, that's got to be weighing on her tremendously.  The unprotected sex was stupid,stupid, stupid!  The fact she's told you she's going back on birth control means she's enjoyed the hook-ups too.  If you want a girlfriend right now, I think you're out of luck, but I also think she's interested in being a no strings occasional FWB.  

by (969,820 points)

i agree with all that. It was irresponsible. We did  talk though about having kids and she said she wasnt oppose to the idea during all this. I think we both wanted kids in a way. But, alas it wasnt appropriate. i guess my confusion lies in how did we go from all that and talking and hanging out having fun to her pushing me away and saying i want nothing im not ready to settle down and no communication or txting. it was on the turn of a dime. I suppose i cant say much givin i prompted the break up but her back and forth has left  me upside down. I dont know whether i should walk away or just wait things out? My heart says stay but my logical brain says what for? I love this girl she knows it. I guess thats all there is left at this point. 


I think maybe you "came on too strong" with the "starting over and having a life together" talk too long and too often after she had repeatedly said she wasn't interested in that at all.  She's sort of decided you can't get that through your head and the only way around that is to avoid you.  

Should you stay or should you go...  I can't tell you...  

However, if you decide to stay do so very casually and in the background.  Put all this relationship, life together stuff aside for now.   If you mean it let her know you're there for her if she needs support or whatever, and then put her needs before yours for awhile.  And your right, you may very well be waiting for nothing.

If you walk away, don't be mad and still treat her like a friend.  

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