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+2 votes

So it has been about 6/7ish months since my break up. I have moved past it and come to terms with everything. I started talking to someone again that I used to date a while back, we were in a long term relationship for 3 years. On top of that, we grew up together. I've known him since I was about 7 yrs old and our parents were really good friends. 

I have always remained in contact with him throughout everything, despite our break up from years ago. He has never gotten into another relationship since being with me, which was about 5/6 years ago, and he has always wanted to be with me again. He has always been the love of my life, but I ended it because he didn't show me love in the ways I wanted to be shown love. He thought by saying he loved me was enough, but I wanted to feel it more in actions like spending more time with me rather than choosing to spend it with friends or working on his car. We were both young and both made mistakes, and he realized that he should've treated me better after I left him. 

Since we grew up together, we know a lot of the same people. His friends and family still tell me up until this day that he really loves me and does not even have the desire to be with anyone else. 

He ended up moving to Colorado to work for some friends (yes, at a weed dispensary) about 2 years after we broke up, because he took it very hard. He moved back here to South Florida a few months ago because he wanted to try making things work for us. He is a licensed mechanic and works at a shop down here now, and is trying to get things set up to be able to be with me. I understand it takes time, and I won't lie that I can be impatient. I have been trying to be patient. 

I made him upset with me by making him feel that he is not doing enough to make things better than the first time. I am a way better communicator on my feelings than he is, and he just tries to avoid it because he thinks it will turn into an argument. It kills me when I feel like I am not understood or heard, and he can't understand that. I really do love him and care about him..and I know he does love and care about me as well. I don't want to push him away, but I also need him to understand how I feel. I think sometimes he feels that I don't love him, so I've been trying to show him that I do. 

I need help with 2 things...

One, I need help in what to say to him to make him understand. I've tried it my way of telling him my feelings. Maybe there's a better way? We are both 26 and into older music, his dedication to me is la vie en rose by Louis Armstrong. (To give an idea)

Two, I need insight on how this should be handled and to hear your thoughts? Similar experiences?

in Daily Life by (166,000 points)

2 Answers

+1 vote

LOL Maybe from a male.

Just Relax and have Fun with it.

by (3,744,461 points)

Lol!! Just maybe... hahaha

+1 vote

Let me answer your questions first. Then some unsolicited advice. :) 

As for your first question regarding how can you make him understand your feelings. The way I see it, he maybe wondering the same. He loves you, everyone knows it, including you. He is probably wondering how can I make her understand that. The problem here seems that you both like each other but have different ways of expressing it. He moved back to be with you. That's a big step.

When you are young, priorities are different in life. Going out, being together etc makes a lot of sense. When you are grown up and settled in life, what matters more is the stability, honesty, trust worthy partner. 

I would say spend time together and try to understand each other's point of view. Engage in common activities. There's a reason all couples look for other couple friends. Having common friends is a big step so you get to spend time together but at the same time don't miss out on social aspects.

I would say this though about his passion for cars. I always encourage people to find a hobby which they are passionate about. It keeps a person busy in a productive way. Ideal mind tends to waste life away. 

As for the unsolicited part. And let me warn you that this may not be so popular advice. But if you are looking for long term, ensure that he can hold a career. Nothing wrong with being a car mechanic. But what's next? Does he see himself owning his own shop someday ?? Practical aspects of life matters as much if not more than just love.

So... That's just my unorganized thoughts. But point is to look for someone who really loves you. Someone who has most of the characteristics of a good human. Someone that will keep you happy. Minor challenges can always be worked on. Compromise and patience is key. 

I hope you can put all that together into something meaningful. :) 

by (283,660 points)

Thank you so much, that was great advice :) 

I agree with you about him making sure it is a career. That is very true. 


To be honest... You give great advice to others. I am sure you will be able to isolate personal emotions and think this through. 

 Thank you for the compliment.

Sometimes we're better at giving other people advice than taking our own, I guess. 
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