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+2 votes

My brother started dating a girl for a few months, from the very begging I knew it wasn’t going to last. She had some serious health issues and he was very neglectful of her feelings/needs throughout. Even more then that they had extremely different personalities which resulted in constant disagreements and arguments with neither of them happy. During this time, I ran into this girl a few times, every time I ran into her I would limit my interactions and force standard boundaries to not engage in too many conversations and just keep my general distance. Something was different about this girl, for some reason her and I were insanely compatible. We had an extremely strong connection to each other: we shared the same views, the small amount of times I saw her people around us would say she was basically the girl version of me. Time develops and she (by her own decisions that I wasn’t aware of) decides to break things off with my brother because they weren’t working, and she was having feelings for me. A month later she reaches out, we start talking, and without even thinking about things I go on a few dates thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal.

As time goes by things started happening between us and I didn’t really know what to do. I had this amazing connection with someone and the more we hung out the happier I became. Naturally we started hanging out more and eventually started dating. This is where I really messed things up… I am not the person who would ever do something like this especially to my own brother, but I started dating her temporarily and figured I would find a time to tell my brother after the fact. A couple months are gone, and I am happier then I ever been, she’s helping me to grow in ways I never before thought possible and I know I am doing the same for her. We went away on a short trip and on multiple occasions we had people tell us they completely understand why were together because we have a real connection which they don’t see often and go on to talk about how strong it is. This is still a strange experience, but we hear it every time we meet new people.

Here comes the dilemma, I go to tell my brother how I feel and that I want to start dating her. During this really long conversation he basically tells me that we will no longer be family and he will basically pretend I don’t exist. (I have always been close to my brother. Unfortunately, my family is really broken. I don’t want to go into details, but I have to constantly stop in on a regular basis to break up fights or put out the regular fire). In his mind this would be the ultimate betrayal and the conversation ended with me being too weak to tell him the reality of the situation.

This is where I am today and I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING. At this point I feel like I am into deep to break things off (Not that I would ever want to) but I don’t feel like I have the strength to be able to handle this situation and tell my brother. I feel like I have been sitting on the fence to long and I am literally about to explode. It’s becoming unhealthy and I can’t stop feeling like I am drowning

in Dating by (150 points)

4 Answers

+1 vote

In the real world if you start dating your brother's previous girlfriend he's not going to be happy. If you're going to continue with the relationship, you're just going to have to accept that. But if you feel that strong about this girl then it shouldn't matter at the end of the day. Personally I wouldn't date someone my brother previously dated, but I'm sure people do. Families can be difficult at the best of times. But you're not dating your family.

Just Relax and have Fun with it.

by (3,744,871 points)
+1 vote

Oh well, you already broke all the rules. Damage has been done. Let's assume that she is the one for you.

It's going to take time to convince your brother. It may never happen - that's a possibility. But if you really want to continue dating this girl, you must give your best efforts to talk with your brother and explain him what this relationship means for you. Maybe some common friends can help. It will all depend on how she broke up with him. If it was ugly, then it's going to be really difficult.

What you must know that it might always be an awkward situation between two of them. Thanksgiving, Christmas, think about all those holidays. Think long term. You need your brother to be fully okay with it otherwise it's not worth pursuing.

Also, if you think you may break up with this girl after a while anyways then don't put anybody through this. 

by (283,660 points)
0 votes

Well, you have already told your brother that you want to be with his ex girlfriend. So that bombshell has already been dropped. 

First, you have to understand that, understandably, your brother may never come around to being ok with this. It is awkward for him. Plus, you're his brother...with his ex. Double whammy.

You have to make sure this girl is really worth it to you. If she is, then you will have to accept that your brother may never come around. He probably feels betrayed.

It is hard, I wish you much luck.

by (166,000 points)
0 votes

You must understand that your brother feels betrayed.

Having your family member date an ex is worse than a best friend.

If you feel you have a great connection, you have to understand that your brother will never be ok with is

Time is simply how we live our lives-Craig Sager

by (1,286,760 points)
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