My boyfriend and i recently broke up and it's all my fault, i feel horrible because of this. The reason is because i would tell him we should break up when i was upset or mad, i never actually wanted to break up at all. i like getting the attention and a reaction telling me no we shouldn't and "i love you" and please hear me out, i understand that it's not right for me to act this way towards someone i love dearly, i'm trying to get help with my problems because there must be something wrong with me to act that way.
We broke up last year because of the same problem, he forgave me after a month or so, i should have stopped myself i honestly have to way to justify how i have acted towards him and its eating me up inside that i have been like this towards the man i love the most in my life, we were about to get engaged but i kept doing what ruined it the last time.
What i'm asking is is there any way possible i can fix this between us? I don't think i will ever find someone like him again in my life, he has treated me so well for years and how i repay him is this. i lost his trust again.
I messaged him saying i'm sorry many times (i know this is the wrong way to handle things, i've been looking it up for days on what to do) he has told me we are not good for each other and for me to move on and that finding someone else will be easy for me. in all honesty i just want him to know how shit i feel about this whole situation, i don't want him to think i hate him, i love him so dearly.
I have no idea what to do, i don't want to stop fighting for our relationship because i don't want to regret not doing that as well. does anyone know what i can do to talk to him? or how i can regain his trust in any way? i would honestly do anything. I know he was in the right to leave when i asked him to, it's all my fault and i feel so guilty that i ruined our future.
If anyone has any advice please let me know, i don't want to go down without a fight, this relationship means the world to me and i know he felt the same days before i caused all of this. Please if anyone has a similar situation help a girl out.