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+3 votes
52 views

Hi all, 

I've just come back from a lovely weekend away with my partner to celebrate our one year anniversary. We've had some highs and lows, he's been incredibly supportive as my dad passed away. I've also had some trust issues which have caused us some problems too. I thought that I had got to a place where I had stopped questioning his love and focusing on myself but I've started questioning everything again. 

He shared a beautiful post on Facebook from a page of quotes. I admired it at first and then got the horrible gut feeling. I then checked his ex "fling's" page and saw that she had shared it too. He had done the heart reaction thing to it. I couldn't help but burst into tears as it goes along with all the other posts he has liked as well as every single selfie she posts on Instagram.

I have no idea how pathetic this sounds all I know is how much it hurts and vulnerable I feel. I just don't understand it. He can't be with her as she lives in Canada (we are in the UK) but I can't help but feel that she is someone still so special to him. They had a fling more than 2 years ago now so why does he feel the need to blow up her social media like this? He didn't even like my last fb post. I wish he would stop with all the love and moving in with me stuff if he's still clearly hung up on this person.

It feels so shallow to break up with someone over social media likes but I feel so shit and not as good enough as her. It shows my mental state as this is unhealthy behaviour from me. I just don't know what to do and don't want to get hurt even more.

Any advice appreciated  

G

in Relationships by (950 points)

3 Answers

+1 vote
 
Best answer

I.really like Bluenegel's answer and I hope you follow what he says. I also agree with Glasgowbelle that you may be insecure. 

However, I always look to two sides of an issue. Have you ever spoken to your boyfriend about this ex?  How does he react? By this I mean, no arguing, just asking him clear questions with no emotional feelings in your tone.  You can at some point, tell him that you want to be assured he has no more romantic feelings for this person, and for him to be honest with you. If he gives you what you feel is a straight and honest answer, you can try to live by that and continue to be with him. If he doesnt want to talk about it, makes excuses, or degrades you in any way for asking a simple question, then you can decide if you want to end things. He needs to be as honest as possible, so that there is trust in the relationship. 


The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.       -Socrates

by (899,330 points)
+1

Thank you so much for your response. 


It's a bit hard to ask him about this as it would mean com clean about my social media stalking. 

Also, she's not an ex. They had a fling (3 weeks long )  a couple of years ago whilst they met abroad and both decided to end things. He said at the time he had strong feelings for her at the time. I think they decided not to continue it as it would have meant a very long distance relationship.

It's just annoying as I think she is way more amazing than me and as you can tell I'm hard work! I've just spent another weekend where is was still mentioning moving in together. I think I'm just feeling a bit exhausted constantly looking for signs that he doesn't want to be with me. I don't tell him this but he's prob picking up on something.

I've been looking into meditation and continuing with my therapy so hopefully that will help. 


Thanks for your time


0

Oops didn't check for typos 

0

Typos is my middle name, no problem.  About your boyfriend, is it only with him you feel unsure? Have you felt like this about other men ( if any have come before him)? If the answer is yes, then you need to learn to have trust in partners. Something tells me it's the fling he had that makes you feel like this. If she is so far, and things are over between them, I would not worry.  Dont let those feelings come between your special anniversary with him. Trust me, it wont look good to him. Being confident in your relationship with him makes YOU more attractive to him.  Now, should something happen major happen ( she's coming to visit, or something crazy like that) then you can find cause to be upset.

  

+1 vote

By your own admission you have an unhealthy obsession with basically a virtual reality. This is making you unhappy and I really think you need to work on yourself, particularly your self esteem and jealousy issues.

Unfortunately that means breaking up and spending time on your own to work on it. You are too dependant on someone else to make you feel happy and fulfilled and a simple act like looking on FB is making you spiral into jealousy and self doubt.

Good luck but until you fo the work, you will never be happy.


No man has a  right to fix the boundary to the march of a Nation...

by (2,864,490 points)
+1 vote

You'd be amazed how many people lose their shit on social media. This website is no different. If you feel yourself going down that road just distract yourself with something else you enjoy, music, a movie, a long walk. Regarding likes, hearts and other stuff like that on FB and who gets them may seem a bit sensitive to most, however they are not you. It is validation at the end of the day and everyone likes that. It's a good thing that you are aware of these things and how they affect you emotionally. That being the case you are in a place to do something about it. Put some space and time between what bothers you and what pleases you. It may not be easy but people surprise themselves every day by what they have achieved. Good luck.


Life is what you make it.

by (3,813,481 points)
0

Thanks so much. Yes, I have managed to refrain from doing this and i feel so much better. 

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