Am I overreacting?

Question

In the heat of arguments my husband has hit me at least four times on different occasions. Three times he thumped me on the forehead with his palm and then the last time he hit me as hard as he could in my lower back butt region as I was leaving to get away from him. He usually under the influence of alcohol should I be worried that things could ever get more violent or and am I overreacting to say divorce him because of those incidents? Please help me rationalize reality. 

Answer 1

It is unacceptable for any one to lift their hand to another person, your husband has assaulted you 4 times.

You have given him permission to hit you when you didnt react the first time.

Your husband is clearly a lousy drunk and this behaviour can escalate leading to more serious injuries.

Your husband needs to address his alcohol problem you need to get to a place of safety until he does.

Let me explain, if alcohol is causing problems at home or anywhere that's a drink problem, he doesn't need to be a raving alcoholic.

Answer 2

Not over reacting.  Your husband hits you.  He is escalating it.  First open hand to the head, then fist to the ass.  Next fist to the head.  

Tell him that he is never to do that again.  If he says it was the alcohol, then tell him that he needs to stop that too.  Or else you are leaving.

If it happens again, leave.  Go to the police for help.  Or else an organization for battered women.  You don't want to be beaten or killed.

Answer 3

Abusiveness and a tendency towards drunkenness... never good by themselves but a game breaker in tandem.

You should NEVER have to put up with physical or emotional abuse.  Physical abuse creates the greater danger for obvious reasons.  

Women who stay with abusive partners confound me.  I have friends who continually go back to abusive spouses, and although I support them 100% as a friend and confidant, I shake my head and ask them, "When is the LAST time going to be?"  They always say, "This is it.  No more.  He's out of here."  And then either he doesn't go or he goes, only to come back a few weeks later with some sorry line.  WHY do they allow themselves to go through this kind of abuse?  I am mystified.

YOU need to determine how YOU shall deal with this.  Insist on couple counseling?  Tell him straight that the next time he raises a hand to you, you are out the door?  Insist that he go with you to an AA meeting?  Talk with him about anger management and guide him towards individual counseling for himself?  Write a letter and pack a "go bag"--and the next time he raises a hand to you, just grab the "go bag" and leave (get to a shelter)?

I would  suggest you need to get to a quiet place and think through how to handle this.  Make a decision when you are alone, calm, collected, and don't feel threatened.  Some things to consider: (1) see an attorney about protecting your assets should you leave (if you share a bank account, he could clean it out the moment you walk out the door as a way to punish you--but you should not do that to him, either); (2) speak privately with a close friend about being allowed to stay with her in confidence (you may not want him to know where you are staying when you leave); (3) determine how to protect yourself both at work, if you are in the workplace, and outside of the home socially (should you file for a protective order, for example); (4) if you have children, what will you do about them--they should not be left with him, yet he cannot be denied access to his own children as their father--consider how to arrange for his visits through the courts).

NOT to consider all of these things means you are making a visceral, emotional decision without a thought to how things will work out for you in the future.

Best wishes as you work through a difficult life situation.

Answer 4

You are not overreacting. Although your husband might want you to think that. Domestic abuse is a serious problem. And it doesn't always work in your favour if you go to court. However, I would have left before it even got to the first punch. At the end of the day you have got to look after yourself and do whatever is necessary to do that. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are not over-reacting. You are seriously UNDER- reacting. You should've dumped his sorry ass the very first time he laid a finger on you.