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+1 vote
21 views

I've had her as a friend for over a year and we're somewhat very close at this point. 

but 1 month ago she met a guy and they're in a relationship and since then I've started to feel jealous and it made me feel like shit because i thought I'm being selfish.

i recalibrated myself and i found out i have strong feelings for her but I've never realized it and i don't know what to do. 

the first options i thought of were to

1) tell her about it because i can't take myself speaking to her while she doesn't know about this, knowing about the consequences and that it might break our friendship. 

or 2) to just run away from her and everything related to her so i can forget about it maybe so only i get hurt.

I'm aware my choices are probably bad because i took them by my feelings right now, so i just need advice on what to do maybe.

thanks. 

in Relationships by (100 points)

2 Answers

+2 votes

How serious is this new relationship she's in?  Is it likely to last?  Take that into consideration when choosing the best course of action.  Also, it may not be the best thing to just disappear from her life.  It can be pretty hurtful when a good friend leaves with no warning or explanation. Also remember that human interpersonal relationships are fluid and ever changing.  Whatever dynamic you have with her now, and she has with her new partner..  it will change or evolve (for better or worse haha)

That's probably not much help but I wish you the best of luck

by (81,790 points)
0 votes

Disappearing from her life altogether is probably a bad choice.

Being her confidant and advisor at this time might be a bad choice, too.  Distance yourself by steering her toward her new boyfriend and suggested that HE is the one who should have that role now.  If she realizes that YOU are the one she really needs when it comes down to making good decisions and finding answers to her problems and making her life happy, then so much the better for you--she may realize her current relationship is a "stage" for her, and she'll come back to you eventually.  If she DOES follow that advice and finds out her new boyfriend has the answers that you used to have, then she's done the right thing and her relationship with him grows and she is happy; of course, you won't be, but you will have done the right thing in the long run.

Waiting to see how the whole relationship with the new guy goes is probably the option I would choose.  Distance yourself to "friend zone only" and don't get too deep into discussions with her so as to limit your emotional involvement, but don't make her an outcast either.  Be supportive and bide your time.  Eventually, you'll have your answers: she will move on from you and you will move on from her, or you'll find you way back to one another and you can bare your soul to her then.

by (632,310 points)
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