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+2 votes


3 years back, met an insanely beautiful ex-model who started grad school at my college, where I am a research student, at a session I ran at this jobs related club. She liked my session enough to ask to stay in touch and a few days later, asked to be trained for job interviews - which I accepted as long as it was in a group.

Did a few group mentoring sessions that she pulled together - the group became friendly and a tad social, so I hung out a little and purposely ignored an obvious attraction that had built up from her side - I actually don't like her that much (See below for why). I watched from the sides as she dumped her boyfriend and paired up with a classmate [ both were hunks, socially pleasing, rich and not as intelligent as her]. This ends with her getting a fabulous job. She likes me, likes my reserve with her which she thinks is shyness, and is intrigued that I am one of the very few people that has not hit on her. I am interested in someone else, by the way.

About Her

Ex-model is a misnomer -she did that for money, and is otherwise a design student with a great portfolio, comes from a really wealthy family (doesn't need to work for money) and has interests in linguistics, free speech, Greek philosophy and French literature. Former gymnast and lacrosse player as well. Ignores rules, tells small lies all the time, can't hear no, takes over and dominates a group situation all the time, wants the best professional job out there at any cost, cheats on exams/job screens, and is not liked by most girls. End justifies the means type of outlook.

At the same time, is deeply into meditation and values relationships, (now) hates modelling, craves for acceptance from more people (especially women) has a child-like innocence that springs up from time to time, and a strong maternal instinct as well.


We keep in touch, meet in a few social gatherings, am still not interested in her, and she's with her classmate/ boyfriend.

We chat a little bit from time to time - it's clear that I am interested in another girl that I have been seeing lately.


She has a major work crisis and reaches out for help, and so I spent hours and hours helping her out. Her classmate/boyfriend switches jobs and countries. She's grateful. I am still not interested. She asks if we are good friends - I tell her no, just friends. She thinks it's really harsh of me to say that.


She quits her job, goes in search of life's meaning, and does a short course in psychology. We are still in touch. She takes relationship advice from time to time as she trusts my judgement. The psychology course does wonders of sorts. She is now clearer in her communication and utterly honest about who she is - dominating, guileful etc. She is not sure of what she wants to become (philosopher, mathematician, art gallery owner), but she wants peace and harmony around her, and in honest communication.

I end a casual dating relationship that I had with another girl.

We start to hang out more and more. We meet every day. We exchange over 20 messages a day. She shares intimate details of her past- like really really intimate. I do the same. I am still doing my research, and she's back on campus, doing some part-time work. I am doing well, by the way, winning awards and competitions and she finds that attractive. She likes winners, she's candid enough to say.

She has another major crisis and is stressed out. Again looks to me for advice. Again I end up spending hours and hours advising her and charting a path for her. She's grateful and acknowledges that my stamp is all over her. She says that she has realised from small small things I have done that I care for her. She says this with a smile. I am not certain that I care deeply. I tell her that I am a compassionate person.

She wants to "copy" me - wants to go to every forum and event and competition that I go to, wants to be on my team, wants to be introduced to the successful people I know. I start inviting her to some dinners with my professional circle.

I still don't like a lot about her, but do like the honest communication - am a sucker for it.

We have long deep genuine conversations about relationships in general. She likes it a lot and shares family photos, childhood photos, her favorite songs etc.

I do the same. She is quite open to talk about her family and her childhood and to hear about my mine.

I tell her I can share my highs with anyone, but want to find someone who will share my lows. She says she'll share my lows.

She makes me take a psychometric test to see how I score compared to her. I indulge her. We are similar on some things and quite dissimilar on others. She wants someone very similar to her, and yet, appreciates that we are complementary. She's a little confused, I think.

She moves to end long distance relationship with her classmate - it's lingering on, but she has moved on.

She has met a guy that she sort of likes- he is goofy and funny, and he used a cheesy pickup line on her to which she was surprised that she was happy to respond. She is seeing him upto several times a week - they do interesting, funny goofy things when they hang out. She's going with him for a holiday at the end of the year. He'll make her do even more goofy things, and that is the exact reason why she is going. And he's exactly like her on the psychometric test. I ask her if 2020 is going to be about this goofy new guy. She says she doesn't know, but she finds him handsome and she'll take a few pictures of him - he'll model for the photographer in her. She loves to be behind the camera these days.

I ask her if we should talk about things a little because I have been a constant presence in her life for 3 years now. I tell her that we should end a few things. She still wants to hang out with me and my social/professional network, and she doesn't want to define anything - just go with the flow. She has an obvious attraction to me - and now our chats are helping her re-discover a deeply intimate and private side to herself.

She's also invited herself to 2 projects that I am doing on campus

At times she shows an enormous interest in me, her eyes follow me around, and at other times she winks and tells me to get a French lover.

2020 - 21

What should I make of this situation?

in Relationships by (210 points)

3 Answers

+4 votes

Kill her and bury her under the patio 

No man has a  right to fix the boundary to the march of a Nation...

by (2,836,800 points)

Best answer I've seen to any question in weeks.

+3 votes

You should write a book about it. You'll make millions.

Life is what you make it.

by (3,783,491 points)
+1 vote

Pal you are friend zoned if you are not sleeping with her.  You still may be friend zoned.  Women like a challenge and like to test guys.  Guys who fail are dumped or friend zoned.

Move on

“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,817,480 points)
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