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+3 votes

My parents have been divorced since I was 11. And I'm 26 now and they still haven't learned to play nice.Every year they put me and my little brother in the middle of their drama. Who starts Christmas with who? Who gets new years? And on and on. This year is difficult because My mom's mom wants us to go to Colorado to be with that family for Christmas. My father's mother wants us to go to Mexico to be with that family for new years. The problem is I can only afford to take time off for one of the holidays. Either mom's or dad's. Am I a bad daughter for choosing one parent over the other? Do I have the right to do that?? Should I just not do holidays with either of them. 

in Holidays by (150 points)

9 Answers

+1 vote


by (180 points)
+1 vote

It's time you created your own holiday traditions, so just tell both of them that's the way you're going this year 

No man has a  right to fix the boundary to the march of a Nation...

by (2,840,090 points)
0 votes

You are now an Adult and you can make your own plans.  Yes you have the right and quite possibly a deep need to have your own Holiday.  Find a snuggle bunny for the Holidays

A very pleasant suggestion would be to plan your own event.  Take your time off and use it on a vacation for yourself when you want to take it.  Send both of your Parents a nice Holiday Card wishing them well.  Include you are having a Holiday brunch etc and say if they want to stop by they are welcome.  Make sure they have to decide between their Vacation or your place.

Become a Master not a Slave.  It is necessary move we all take once we become adults.   Some folks leave provisional Adulthood earlier than others.  Is this the year you do it?

“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,817,820 points)
+1 vote

My suggestion is to make a compromise:  Year 1 with Dad's family.  Year 2 with Mom's family.  Year 3 alone. 

They cannot object to this without losing face with each other.

by (692,830 points)
+1 vote

Yes, you are absolutely entitled to make that choice. Just realize that not everyone is going to like it. 

by (2,257,630 points)
+1 vote

You are grown, you can do whatever you want.  If you would feel bad choosing one over the other, maybe just don't go to either.  Take some personal time and try to see the holidays in a new light.  Go to the Caribbean lol. Just don't let them fight over you and your brother as if you were still children. I haven't done holiday stuff with my family in years.  My dad and I are still close and he is not threatened by my absence on Christmas/thanksgiving.  My mother and I haven't spoke in years (not because of that though).  Everything will work, out good luck <3

by (78,990 points)
+1 vote

I agree with Archerchef on this one.  Plan your own trip.  Invite them to join you.  It says you want to be with family, just not as a child.  And puts the burden of choice on them.  

Be sure to express sorrow that they cannot attend, then open the champagne and celebrate.

by (1,394,030 points)

Wellone thank you

+1 vote

With families things are expected. You do what your parents say because they know best just because. And the majority of people celebrate Christmas just because that's what everyone does. I get asked if I'm feeling ill if I choose not to do the Christmas thing. I would suggest you do what makes you happy as long as you're not hurting anyone. I would also just keep nodding your head because typically people just won't get it.

Life is what you make it.

by (3,786,371 points)
0 votes

Tell them you can't afford to do both, so you are staying home. If they send you money to visit, then go to both.

by (45,830 points)
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