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+2 votes

I am really struggling on how to deal with my current situation. 

About 2 years ago I (F) met my current best friend (M). I have always had a thing for him, but after we discussed our feelings he stated he couldn't be what I needed and that we should be friends only, besides the fact he wanted to work on himself first. I kind of assumed that's how the conversation was going to go only now there's a twist.

He moved in with me about 5 months ago. His family situation was getting tough to deal with and I had the space so I offered for him to live with me which he is now. While I love having him here and love being able to spend time with him, it is not doing me any favors in regards to my crush. I can't get him off my mind and it's amplified by the fact he lives with me.

On top of this he is extremely affectionate physically and isn't afraid to hug me or tickle me or things like that. He will lay his head in my lap or lay on the couch with his legs on me, hold my hand, etc. He has emphasized more than once that he doesn't see me as a relationship - and we have not kissed or done anything sexual - but the closeness we have had physically is starting to drive me crazy. At the same time I don't want it to stop because I love the closeness. What do I do?

in Relationships by (150 points)

6 Answers

+1 vote

Sounds like catch 22. Personally I think you should just enjoy his company until he does see you as a relationship (people change their minds) or you meet someone else. I understand you have strong feelings for him but at least you know his thoughts on the matter and you could be without anyone. Make the most of what you've got.

Life is what you make it.

by (3,686,811 points)
+1 vote

He probably already knows.  He hasn't said anything, because like you, he's probably enjoying the closeness, especially since he's having family issues right now. 

My thinking is, pull back and keep it as roommates.  If he asks what's up, then be straight with him and tell him you have feelings for him.  If things go south after coming clean, he may have to go.  Nonetheless,  it's only going to continue to hurt and nag at you until you resolve this.

by (109,620 points)
+1 vote

That must be truly hard on you.  Surely he must know, and if he doesn't, he is not being sensitive enough, that this is driving you crazy. What did he expect after you confessed your feelings and he moved in, that these feelings would turn off? I think it must be torture for you not having your feelings reciprocated. 

   So what I would do if I were you, is ask him to leave. No matter how much your heart wants him to stay and no matter if he protests. Tell him it's hard on you and that you see there is no chance to be together, and you want to make things easier for you, not harder.  Then see what he says. 

    Good luck. 

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.       -Socrates

by (857,000 points)
+1 vote

Good Luck girl.

Men are hard to figure out. Let us know if you can do it successfully.

I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received. ~Antonio Porchia

by (424,630 points)
+1 vote

I would come clean.

If anyone remembers my love story, you'll remember that we tried staying friends, but I couldn't do it.

Once I figured out that she was married, I tried staying friends, but I couldn't do it.  She wanted me to be friends with her husband, and every time I saw her with him it drove me nuts.

It killed me and still does kill me to had to have cut her from my life, because I loved her dearly, and always will, but I had to move forward for my own sanity.

It took me 2 years to emotionally move forward, but I am finally at a place where I feel good.

I don't think I will ever marry, but am open to it, if I happen to meet someone, but it is best to come clean, because holding it in will only leave questions in your mind about what if

Time is simply how we live our lives-Craig Sager

by (1,188,860 points)
0 votes

You are in a tough situation and there is no way to turn the situation around.  Time to start looking for a romantic partner

Accept the situation as it is and move on emotionally.  He does not see you as in dating or a sexually partner - for whatever reason.  If he is splitting the rent enjoy the extra money, if he is couch surfing it is time to put him on notice to move out.  Either way make it clear that he needs to start looking for a new place to bed down

Now to move forward if you are packing extra weight lose it.  If you dress like a slob, change your style. In short remake yourself and start the hunt for romance

“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,793,480 points)
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