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+1 vote
Hi everyone. This is a crazy situation and easy to judge however I really would apprecaite advice as I know I should have made different decisions. I'm currently 32 years old, and I met this guy who is 43 years old back in July. I met him through his friend who I had a short relationship with, and it didn't work out. When I met him, he was still married (married for 15 years to be exact). He explained to me his marriage was over and he was sticking it out for their child (15 years old). Him and I got very close and he ended up leaving house, moving in with me 2 months later. He took his wife and child on vacation and right after he got back from vacation he moved in with me. His wife found out about us right away and wasn't happy at all to say the least...but he made the decision to leave and filed for divorce in early November. We ended up getting pregnant in September and I am currently 5 months pregnant. Our relationship has been rocky because he's never had trust for me. I've never cheated on him or talked to any guys behind his back. In August after he moved in, we went out for my co-workers going away party to a bar. I work with 1 female and the rest are men. I've been with my company for approx. 6 years and have grown friends with all my coworkers. Well the night we went out he was talking to some of my coworkers and I was walking around, talking to other coworkers, drinking, and he says I was really flirty and it made him uncomfortable. (to the point he still brings it up months later-its been an issue) Another issue we had is my friend and her boyfriend came over (who are alot younger than me-early 20's) I've known them for years and watched them grow up pretty much. Well my friends boyfriend grew his hair long and I was "playing with" his friend didn't take it in any appropriate way but my boyfriend did, he said it made him uncomfortable and it was really flirty and that's been another issue that has been brought up over and over and over again..constantly causing arguments. He is more of a reserved guy and I am more outgoing. During the beginning of our relationship there were things that made me uncomfortable...he goes to his house everyday that he shared with his wife to hang out with his daughter, his wife has said a lot of nasty things about me (completely understood) and he doesn't defend me. I have a 10 year old son, and am civil with his father, and he has a problem with that because he thinks I still have a thing for his father..even though we haven't been together in 9 years. I've deleted all social media accounts and changed my phone number to give him peace of mind. He has access to my cell phone and periodically goes through it (I guess to make sure nothing is going on behind his back with anything). I've also told my sons father to limit conversation with me and speak directly to his son because my boyfriend would get mad if we were on the phone (always in regards to my son). I'm not perfect and I guess I hurt him those times he thought I was being flirty. I know how much I love him and how I would never do anything to hurt him but he doesn't believe me. Recently, he started recording me. He put his old I-phone in my purse while I went to work and listened to me and my coworker (who happens to be a good friend of mine) conversation. (She is a female) She was talking about a guy she has been sleeping with/talking to and saying how he has a big "package" and my response was: "I know its perfect literally" - well my boyfriend heard the recording and lost it. Broke up with me, packed all his stuff and went and slept at his wifes house. He is convinced I saw this kid's private parts which I didn't and he is saying that I said it with "conviction". I feel he is looking into this too much-(hes listening to the recording everyday over and over) and it is making things worse. He ended up coming back a day later and brought back all his stuff- I literally had to beg! and ever since he's been up and down saying I'm a and I'm disgusting and gross and he's never seen a female act or speak that way. I've explained to him over and over and over it was a stupid comment that I didn't mean and I only loved and cared for him, and I am only attracted to him! The other day i was talking to him and he said he might be moving back into his house. He admitted that the night he went back there he promised his daughter he was moving back in.....I told him that is a hasty decision, as we are having a baby in a few months and hes already been living outside of his house for 8 months now. The other night i was taking a bath and i heard him packing his stuff again. I come out and he said I'm shady because I brought my phone in the bath with me and he can't deal with the shadyness....packed his stuff but didn't leave. Then we went to a doctors appt for my pregnancy the next day, he was crying saying he doesn't know wtf he is doing by leaving..and he is so confused and said he might regret going back home. Then the next day he put another recorder in my apt and listened to my conversation of me and my mom talking on the phone and me complaining how hes been treating me and everything hes been doing. I was complaining that I am the one who pays all the bills in the apartment, (all he does is give me half the rent) I pay PSEG, CABLE, Internet, Water and my half of the rent. I also said he has no heart. He got mad at that saying I was trash talking him and he was leaving again..didn't end up leaving. Then yesterday he listened to the rest of his recording and I told my mother I slipped up and smoked a cigarrette because I was under so much stress, and he lost it and took all his stuff and left ...went back to his wifes house. Should I cut all contact? I am so confused how someone can do this. Please give me some insight
in Relationships by (200 points)

6 Answers

+2 votes

Yes, I believe you should break all ties to this man. I don't know how you feel about an insecure stalker, whom you have to hide your phone from so that he can't get to it, but I would find it extremely uncomfortable. You don't need all the drama in your life.You yourself can do with counseling to help yourself and see why you need to have losers like this guy to be in your life.

 The only thing he can hang over you is the right to see his child, once it's born.  Still I suggest if you discontinue to see him but allow him to see his cud should he go to court, then by all means insist on always meeting at a public place and alone in your home. 

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.       -Socrates

by (861,220 points)
+2 votes

Leave this tool and never look back. There is no way I’d tie myself for life to this cheating loser by having a child with him.  If there’s a Planned Parenthood in your state go there and find out your options. 


by (2,200,030 points)
+3 votes

Two things: Paternity Suit + Child Support.  Other than that, have NOTHING to do with him.  IF he desires to share responsibility for raising the baby, then allow him that chance.  After all, he IS the father.  Otherwise, cut him out like a coupon in the paper.

by (674,420 points)
+3 votes

You are letting this man's authority and everything else  take over the choices in your life.

He is controlling and very manipulative. 

He is questioning everything you do, think, and feel.


Protect your babies .Momma!!❤

I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received. ~Antonio Porchia

by (424,990 points)
+2 votes

You are with a control freak, run do not walk to the exit.  Now remember paternity suit and child suppport.  If it is not to late consider an abortion.

Good luck

“Better a true enemy than a false friend.”

by (2,795,180 points)
0 votes

I second several other comments.  This guy is an abusive control freak.  RUN, don't walk, away from this loser.  Other than paternity and child support cut this guy out of your life as much as possible.  I'd say cut him out totally but seeing you are going to be having his child that may not be possible. 

by (879,580 points)
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