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+1 vote
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29W in a relationship with a 27M for about a year a half now. Video games have always been a source of difficulty in our relationship, or rather the amount of time he spends on them. For weekday nights, he generally spends 3-4 hours playing with his friends. He does stop at 9:30 generally to have time with me before bed (about an hour), but the ratio of game time to our relationship time is a struggle for me. It's generally worse on the weekends. He will generally play 6-7 hours on Fridays, and 8-10 hours on Saturdays and Sundays if we don't plan on any activities together. 

I know this is is his way to destress, and work has been very difficult for him lately. I honestly don't want to be one of those girlfriends who is needy and not understanding. Am I being unreasonable in wanting more time with him? Or really, wanting him to want more time with me rather than games? Whenever I talk to him about this, he usually gets defensive and claims that I don't want him to spend time with his friends. He says he's an introvert and needs time to recharge in order to give energy back to me. I want all those things for him as well, but it's the extent in which he says he needs gaming that I question. I don't know if his view on his own needs is actually accurate. 

In addition to this, video games are his only primary interest, which often makes connecting with him difficult. I hear him playing with his friends, and can, to my embarrassment, get jealous of the comradery and fun he has with them that I don't often get to have with him (I'm not a gamer, so I'm more frustrated when I play then engaged). I've asked him if he might have interest in other hobbies outside of gaming so that I can connect with him more, and he has yet to pursue any. I'm a pretty independent person, and am fine at times with the alone time I get in my relationship, but I find myself feeling more and more that something is off and that there might be more that I could have in a relationship instead of feeling like I'm in a relationship with someone who's in a relationship with gaming. I want to be understanding, but without him having a friend group I can do activities with or hobbies that I can connect with him on, it's making our relationship increasingly difficult. He in turn often does now have much interest in my own hobbies (he doesn't enjoy the TV shows I like to watch or books I like to read or podcasts and puzzles I like to do), though he periodically tries. 

Am I being unfair towards him and expecting too much? Or could he possibly be addicted to gaming? His work performance is not suffering, but we also haven't had sex in a few weeks. I am open to all advice! Please help. I want to make things work, but I'm not sure how.
in Relationships by (100 points)

3 Answers

+1 vote

I wouldn't stay with a guy who was more interested in playing video games than he was in me. You're second place on his list of "Ways to Spend My Time."  Nagging him about it will probably only make him worse. And basically, whether or not he's addicted to gaming is irrelevant. You have to decide if you're willing to stay with a guy who doesn't think you're as important as playing video games. 

by (2,200,030 points)
+2 votes

Sounds like you may be like a much lower priority for him.

#1. Gaming

#2. His Friends & Gaming

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:

:

:

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: You & sex last place.

Question is what are you getting out of this relationship? Is he paying the bills.

What is he? Are you playing mother? Cooking,cleaning house?



The Leftists have left us!

by (671,280 points)
+1 vote

I'm wondering if you live together or separately.  Regardless, a guy who is working full-time then spending over 30 hours a week gaming isn't really leaving time for much of anything else, including you.  A 27 year old guy who'd rather be playing games than getting sexy with you for the past few weeks, something is wrong.  It sounds like you've tried talking about it and he doesn't see a need to raise your priority level or attempt to find ways to spend fun time with you.  I'm not sure if he's addicted to gaming but he doesn't seem to see being with or interacting with you as very important to him.  I'd seriously consider moving on. 

by (879,580 points)
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