So I'm in a little bit of a complicated situation. I've been very good friends with this girl for over a year, and recently we started dating...or something. It got very intimate very fast.
There's some important background info first: prior to this, she had been in a relationship with some other guy for several years. And the entire last year of their relationship, he showed little to no interest in her, and she ended up ending things with him. A few months after this, we started "dating" (not really an accurate term for what this is, because we're a lot closer than the term dating implies). I know how this sounds, but my very first concern was that she was rebounding, and we talked about it honestly within like the first week, and she told me she had had feelings for me for a long time.
Some more important information: in a couple months, she is moving to another state for a job. The guy she was with for years has also moved to this location, because they were planning on moving there together. I am also trying to move there, because I've just recently graduated, and it's time for me to find a job, and I can do that anywhere, so I'd like to do it where we can be together. She has talked about what our future would be like in this place, and it sounds like she really wants us to be serious if we both manage to get up there, we've even talked about *eventually* moving in together. Point is: I think she wants us to have a future together if it's possible. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted.
The number one concern I have is that she is going to end up back with him. I am worried about this selfishly for me, because I really want a future with her. I am also worried about this for her, because I am certain this guy does not care about her the way she wanted him to, based on his complete indifference to her for a year, and I know that if they end up back together, they're eventually just going to end up back where they were before they broke up, and it's going to destroy her. The only time this guy has shown any kind of feeling for her in the past year was once she moved out. I'm pretty sure these feelings are motivated more out of the fear of losing her than actual desire for her. She met up with him once after she moved out, and was able to see through it and realize this.
So why am I worried they're going to end up back together? A few reasons.
1. They still text. A lot. I dont entirely know what they talk about but I know a lot of it has been him messaging her with regret for what's happened, and I'm pretty sure he's trying to fix things. She also occasionally messages him about random shit because apparently they had been really good friends before they were together. This is one of the reasons I havent been able to convince her that texting him is a bad idea: it's hard to convince someone to just drop contact with one of their closest friends. But i know it needs to happen for her to be able to truly let go. It messes with me too. Every time I see her pick up her phone I get stressed out. I don't know for sure what he's saying to her, but even worse: I don't know what she's saying to him. I don't know where she stands with him. How clearly she can see the situation. The not knowing hurts. But overall, I don't think I'm going to stop worrying about this until I know for sure that she's done with him.
2. In a week or so, she is flying to where she's going to be moving in order to look for apartments. She's going to be there for about 2 weeks. Considering this guy is in the same location, I'm worried he's going to convince her to meet up with him, and somehow convince her his feelings are genuine. And I quite honestly believe they are genuine *right now*, because I imagine losing her has had a sobering effect on him, but someone who truly cares about her wouldnt be able to treat her that way for an entire year. I know this because I do care about her, and the only way I'd be able to do that to her, the only way she would be anything OTHER than the best part of my life, is if my feelings for her had faded. I'm worried that she's not going to be able to see through it this time.
I know this sounds bad, but the feelings between us are very real. The situation is messy, but that doesn't change how real they are. I just don't know what to do here. How do I help her let go?
This is eating at me. It's all i think about sometimes. I have no clue what to do.