I realized that I have just been going out of my way to help others because of fear they will hate me and retaliate. I had a rough upbringing where I was completely broken.
But this week, I have started telling people no. They are upset and I still have that fear but I am trying to stand up for myself.
The life I was living was not sustainable. I hope I learn how to read social clues. I was always isolated and I used to just study to have good grades. But in real life, the social interaction is a big deal.
I have come to accept that some people will hate me. But I will rather be hated than disrespected as badly as I was disrespected in my last job.
I'm not trying to blame the world. I just hate that I am still dealing with low self esteem problems as well as isolation at this age.