So I (m 31) and my partner (f 31) have been together for the last three years, and I can confidently say I really love her. We’re trying to build a long term future together, but we’ve hit a bump in the road that I think is a big deal and she believes is minor.
My partner and I are pretty open about our lives with each other. A year ago, we were reminiscing about past dates and she asked what age I lost my virginity at, and then my number of sexual partners. I answered honestly. Since she had asked me first, I asked the same questions of her (I wasn’t trying to judge or pry. It just seemed natural to ask). She told me I was her seventh partner (I didn’t think much of it and we moved on). Although, I did ask her about Brandon (a guy who she had worked with and had texted her recently). She said they had been friends and nothing more.
A couple nights ago, we’re at a family gathering and my girl’s aunt (an alcoholic)is drunk as a skunk, and she reveals to the whole gathering that my girl has slept with 14 guys. My girl cursed her out and we left, but I could see from her blushing face that it was the truth. She later admitted that I was her 16th partner. I told her I understand there’s a double standard with men and women and I get why she lied (but it did bug me she wasn’t truthful).
Then came the bomb. She confirmed Brandon and her had been hooking up shortly before we got together and that’s partly why he was texting her. In an attempt to start up an affair. This next part will sound unbelievable, but Brandon was one of the kids that bullied me in high school. The thought of my love having slept with that P.O.S truly bothers me. I asked her about him a year ago and she straight up lied to my face. It turns out she had been his mistress at one point.
So she ended up blocking Brandon, but I still feel pissed. I saw him not too long ago at the gym, and he’s still a jerk. I know high school ended 13 years ago, so maybe I’m being immature about this. But I should have known why Brandon asked me about her. She acts like this has no significance. I don’t care her number is bigger than mine. However, it does make me wonder what else she has lied about.
When we got together, she said she makes all men wait a couple months. Turns out that was a lie and I was the only guy she made wait. She said she can only make love in a special place, which is why we don’t argue in our bedroom. This was also a lie, she’s had sex in the back of pickup trucks and her boyfriend’s parents bed. She said she lied because she wanted to make a new truth with me, but she also added there’s certain sexual fantasies of mine that she declines (not because she’s nervous, like she told me and I said was fine) but because she actually became fatigued having done that stuff with other partners.
Maybe I’m just caught up in my own feelings. Maybe I’m just insecure and need to get over this. But it’s been days now and I never thought she had lied to me ever (I know this sounds wildly naive). I’ve shared my most personal secrets with her before and she said I should totally trust her. Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: Girlfriend lied about her previous sexual encounters, and it turns out she had been with been with my high school bully that she works with. How do I proceed?