I guess I'm losing my "empathy gene." Or I'm getting too old for this kind of thing. You and your partner are not really "partners." A true "partner relationship" is when two people SUPPORT EACH OTHER. If there is LOVE involved in the partnership, then one partner will put the other above himself/herself. YOU obviously do that because you are doing everything you can to support him in his time of "weakness." HE supports YOU by... uh.. well, by... um... well, it's complicated... (yeah, right). YOUR relationship is "all about US." HIS relationship is "all about ME."
When I see stories about abuse, whether it's physical or emotional, I just wish I could somehow say in a way that is actually convincing, "Get OUT of there!!!!" It does YOU no good to suffer from his abuse. The only way he is surviving, it seems, is to lift himself up by putting you down. That's not a partnership. That's abuse.
You can turn the other cheek. But it seems you've turned the other cheek so many times, you're bleeding from the cheeks, nose, mouth, and brain. What good are you to him if you are someone who is feeling "beaten down" all the time? What good are you to YOU if you are living in fear of your own success because the "almighty HE" will have a "sadness owwle?" ::shaking my head:: It must be true: Sometimes, you can't see the forest for the trees.
Get some counseling. If he won't go with you (he won't unless he thinks he can manipulate the counselor to be on "his side"), then go alone and learn how to live without fear of your own success, without thinking your success is somehow "bad." Find a way to see your relationship with unbiased eyes. Then do what you need to do to allow yourself to be happy.
That's the bottom line. Are you HAPPY? Read your posts. You don't SOUND happy. Don't you deserve happiness? Of COURSE you do. So find a way to live your life in a way that allows you to be happy!