What is it about weddings....

Question

So one of my childhood friends professed his love to me at a wedding this past weekend.

The first friend in our group of childhood friends just got married, and in this group I am the only woman. We were all very close as kids, but as we got older our paths somewhat diverged for numerous reasons (attending different schools being a primary reason for me). So, of all the guys I only really see one or two of them somewhat regularly, and maybe run into the others every like 5ish years.

This friend who told me he loved me I could tell ever since we were about 18 or so, he treated me differently than the other guys did. But I also heard he's quite the lady's man, so I never took him seriously. In fact, at this wedding, he had just hooked up with a bridesmaid less than an hour before he told me he loved me. So it's really hard to take him seriously. And the moment where he told me happened really suddenly then we got interrupted by other people and then the moment was gone, so I couldn't even get clarity.

I initially didn't really take it seriously, I think partly because of how it happened and because we barely know each other as adults, and also because I don't feel that way about him? But after coming back home and telling some girlfriends, they are interpreting it like he probably really seriously meant it in a romantic way. That weddings sometimes do this to people, remind them of big feelings and their longing for companionship and not wanting to face the world alone, etc. On the one hand, I feel bad. On the other hand, this is how he decides he wants to share his feelings for me?? Oof, weddings!

Answer 1

Yeah, hard to take him seriously. Should have started with thoughts about the dress.

Comments

Well in passing multiple times earlier during the event he paid me quite a few compliments (assuming you're talking about my dress and not the bride's...haha). He even asked at one point if I was seeing anyone. So, yeah, I guess the declaration maybe wasn't *completely* out of left field, but we barely caught up or talked about much of anything before he dropped the bomb on me.

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Sounds like he was trying to butter you up.

Answer 2

Sentimental events sometimes bring up buried feeling.  As you say, old friends, secret crush, older and alone, etc.    I think that is why they make chick flicks.  It isn't just women who watch them, but drag the boyfriend along, who gets sappy and romantic and says things that he shouldn't. 

There is never a good time to express romantic feelings, big crowds work well for the guy because he can escape easily if the idea is not accepted.  

If you don't feel it, just ignore him, if you are curious, call him up and put the ball back in his court.

Comments

You're right that there really isn't a good time except I guess if you're already in a romantic relationship. As I was dissecting with some friends about this, the issue with divulging romantic feelings out of nowhere is that it unwittingly pits responsibility on the person receiving the declaration to decide what to do/how to react. But there isn't quite an actionable way to respond. Okay he loves me, what does he want to do about it? What was he hoping I'd have said in response, and then what would have been the outcome afterwards?

I guess I'm curious not really because I actually have interest in exploring anything with him romantically, but because I do have empathy and I care about him deeply as a friend. It would probably be wrong/hurtful for me to continue the conversation with him to only say that though, wouldn't it.

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The kind thing to do is thank him for his interest, tell him what a great guy he is, even if it is a lie, and tell him that while you are very flattered, you don't have any roma tic interest.  You could do this by text.  If you meet to say it, it might be too emotional besides the idea in his mind that you want to meet him.  I think I would go as impersonal as possible on this.  Email would be my choice.  Lol.

Answer 3

-"he had just hooked up with a bridesmaid less than an hour before he told me he loved me"

I'd be weary of this one. 

Comments

Hahaha trust me, I am already weary. And wary. And leery!

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Well I meant wary but I’m glad you are going with being weary too haha. 

Answer 4

Steer clear.  IF he is serious about being serious, he'll pursue you.  And he'll do it in a consistent way that will show his intent.  HOWEVER, if I were you, somewhere along the line... I'd let him know you are aware of his... uh... dalliance ... with the bridesmaid... and see what he says about it.

Then go from there.

Answer 5

Your right in that big events like that being the eye opener that they're lonely...... doesn't mean they're alone. Big difference between the two, IMO.

Based on his past AND knocking off a bridesmaid before dropping the "L" bomb on you, it's not worth talking seriously. It was useless and childish on his behalf to assume a confession of love would get him some loving, like you are gullible. 

Now, if he's proving to be consistent after the fact and shows through actions on a regular basis, then maybe something else may be worth exploring. IF he does. However, it's up to you how you want to run at this.