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+3 votes

I have wrote on here before concerning my husband s power of attorney she treats him like a kid only gives him to me what she wont s to have for a whole month which is not a lot at all I have been told to  get an itemized something from Social Security to see how his money is spent each month now I am wont to do just that but will they let me talk to them without him having to give permission I hope so because he is very intimidated of his sister and I feel he may tell her things.

What about the bank she keeps all his papers which make appointments we have hard which I can feel embarssed at times have to say she has his this and that the copies of things I have are old when we first got married hello its 2021 been married 7 years she and I do not get along  so the less I have to say to her I am better off I did try and got to be his payee this was back in 2016 she comes gets him and then I get a letter saying she s payee he s disabled I have an adult special needs daughter to me she needs to be reported he goes without we go without I am tired of it to where I am ready to find somewhere for me and my daughter to hopefully be able to move its like we cannot buy no furniture move without her saying its alright I am grown not a child I hate everyday I messed up my Section 8 voucher making him head of household not knowing what I do now we could of moved in 2019 but her the rent to high hello we have a voucher.

Things are very stressful for me and I do worry also one her ways I have a special needs daughter and I do a lot for her so I do know how to do some things then him being intimidated of her way he is is no help his sister told me he sees her as the oldest thinks whatever she says is right she pushed us into getting married because she did not wont to take care of him and now has moved back home to Maryland.

There is no need for you to come in town every now 2 months what bills he pays can be paid various ways okay his medications is another thing she just went and had them started mailing to her home before she did move they were here with us where they should be he just got off the phone discussing one of his medicines which he had  its a mess I ll just say he should not be doing his pill box what is a wife for.

in Married Life by (600 points)

3 Answers

0 votes


I dont know which country you're in so it's difficult to advise as there will be different laws. In general a Power of Attorney (POA) supercedes a spouse authority. There are different levels of POA, some are just for signatures, some are all finances, paying bills, talking to the bank etc and some are health matters, where a POA can deal with Doctors etc.

You need to find out which type your Sister in Law has first of all and what she agreed to at the time of setting it up.

The POA has to stick to the agreement, so just for talking sake, if it was initially agreed that the POA wouldn't make any decisions without consulting her brother and family and she is ignoring that, you can get the POA reviewed by an attorney. 

There is also the question of abuse, if you think your sil is abusing her authority or your brother you can report her to the social services. 

My sister has POA for my Dad and my late Mum but she can't do anything without consulting her siblings. She does, there is no issue and quite frankly she is POA because I didn't want to be.

by (3,157,960 points)

how do I report it social services as a kid.

0 votes

Your post is extremely difficult to understand so I’m hoping I interpreted your question correctly. 

The only way to see how someone spends their money is to 1)  look at their banking activities (online or on their bank statement) 2) look through their checkbook register 3) look at receipts for their purchases or 4) look at their credit card statements. There really isn’t any  *one* way to find out how someone spends their money. 

In the US, the Social Security Administration has no records of what anybody spends. They will have the amount of the Social Security check and any deductions directly taken from it (like Medicare premiums.) But that won’t tell you how the net amount of the check is being spent. 

by (2,506,670 points)
+1 vote

Actually the POA ( power of attorney ) person has or had all the receipts of expenses.

Your husband chose his sister as POA, which leaves you out.

It is up to him to ask for a monthly accounting of how much is spent and how much is left monthly. If he is unhappy with her choices he can go to his attorney and revoke her privileges and make You POA.

He evidently has not chosen to do so.

You either are not considered trustworthy, or he considers her better suited in money matters.  He could request her to go over the monthly statements and balances with you. Yet he evidently does not?

You are powerless to change anything unless you feel she is defrauding your husband. You would need proof he is not receiving food, medical care etc. You would then need to consult with his attorney and with your husband if he is in his right mind.

Your disabled daughter has no place legally in this business arrangement.

You have basically 2 choices stay or go, again unless your husband is being defrauded.

This is from what I know in the US.

Social Security can only tell him his benefit amount, not how much is spent and for what. The bank can only account for that, assuming she deposits the SS check and then is on a joint checking account with him and then writes personal checks on that account for his bills, drugs, food etc.

The first person You must consult with is your husband! Without his consent no agency is going to answer your questions. The bank(s) can mail him duplicate statements if he inquires.

You are out in the cold, especially if he wills everything else to his sister upon his death. Better you find out from Him now than later!

by (1,001,370 points)

Hi Lady4u my husband is disabled probably said that he is used to being controlled by her as far as me not being trustworthy or better with money something he would not say unless she told him well if all you have said is true what is a wife good for I am dealing with ms controlling and money hungry should the wife have to put up with sometimes the cable bill not being paid, the rent being paid late is she allowed to tell you where to move to I did not say my daughter had anything to do with any of this legally she s special needs and would not understand, like I said and I know all power of attorneys are like this woman noway, she now since moving back home has her youngest son doing whatever and he is not the best.

Our rent is late which she did talk to me to let me know boy the way she was apologizing that s between you and our landlord and I see we have a letter not sure anything about that or not my husbands medications should be here like they once were  not none bringing them to him and seeing their own time and he soon end taking seizures having to be in the hospital sometimes when he goes to fill his pill box he soon to be out 4 medicines which once did cost him to have seizures.

Seven 7 years and I am fed the hell up sorry for cussing I should of not lost my Section 8 vocher making him head of household sister we had where we could move into a 3 bedroom home in 2019 she got into that again what the hell is a wife for this stress and worry is to much.


Again all the power lies with your husband to:

1. Revoke her POA thru his attorney.

2. Make you POA.

3. Until he does 1. & 2. You might as well howl at the moon.

4. Not a position I would stay in!

So why doesn’t your husband make you POA?

You are angry at the wrong person!

Your husband is the problem!!!


Two votes up for lady4u's information.

Note: Since his monthly check is through SSA or Disability Determination Services, or DDSs you can go to directly to your own states website for details on this. Keep in mind if there's a reason that you can't be POA due to some violation on your part or other reason then your husband and you need to find another person you trust or have SSA appoint someone. It's not that difficult, it's just a matter of obtaining the right information and going through the process. Their website is a good start. Good luck!

P.S. Put this information below in bold along with your state for answers on how to proceed.

Disability Rights in the state of (your state)

Once in the right website search:

How to change, or report a representative payee.

Or you and your husband can call for general information if you prefer to talked to someone. Not much else we here can do for you otherwise. 

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