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+5 votes
126 views
If you have one, how did your life change?
in Daily Life by (212,820 points)

8 Answers

+3 votes

Going to answer with something a little less obvious to myself than my kids being born. Just to make me give this a little more thought, lol.  I'm going to go with the first time I watched the movie Lost in Translation. I was in the middle of my early 20's train wreck phase of life in just about every facet imaginable. There was no direction, I was lonely. I remember watching that movie for the first time and almost feeling stunned by it. Thinking that sort of connection had to be fantasy but wishing for it all the same. I don't know...it's a bit of a stretch but I think it made me a little more sensitive to the moments I share with people. A little more open. Nothing that was probably too outright noticeable to others but internally...it was obviously enough of a feeling for it to still stick with me. 

by (37,820 points)
+2

I'm now inspired to watch that movie. Nice PR work, ProdigalSon.

+2

Lost in Translation is a great movie. I can see how it could change someone's perspective on things. Now this makes me want to go watch it again lol. 

I think 20s is a confusing time for a lot of people, myself included. 

+2 votes

I've had so many life changing moments and events, endless. Mostly good to great, very happy ones. There's some not so good too, meaning sad. Long story short, that would be a good conversation to have over a nice long lunch, lol. I'm out of my AR "pause for me" time now. "I'll be back!"

: )

by (298,320 points)
+2

I completely understand. Without the not-so-great life changes, no one would appreciate the happy ones. 

We have to know bad, to know what good is. 

I'll be awaiting your return :) lol

+2 votes

I don't think that I had one big event or change.  Mostly a lot of small course corrections.  

Around 16 or 17 I was obsessed with sex.  It was all I could think of.  Everything that I did was calculated to get me laid.  Being that desperate lowers the probability of getting laid to about zero.  So, I compensated with alcohol.  After a few years of that, I finally drank too much and was sick for a week.  I decided I don't need to do that any more.  And then I was drafted into the army.  I decided that I was not going to be killed in Vietnam without getting laid so I just solved that problem by paying some women .  That cleared my mind like coming out of a fog.

The army sent me to Germany instead of vietnam in a job with a lot of free time so I was able to travel, learn to ski, and investigate some other aspects of myself.  An interesting side bar was that as I became less obsessed with sex, I found a lot more of it.

At that point I decided to return to school and pursue a degree in engineering. Graduated.  Went thru several jobs until I found a good fit.  

No huge turning point.  Just life.

by (1,598,670 points)
0

Sounds like the turning point happened after you finally got what you were looking for, and it then became less important. Once it was no longer an obsession, you were able to focus on yourself in more productive ways. This is my take on it.

+3 votes

There's of course numerous I could mention, but one seemingly understated one from the outside, one that no one else was present for, sticks out to me in this moment. I dealt with depression as a teenager, and there are chunks of memories in my mind with a dull gray filter over them because of how apathetic and nihilistic I felt at the time, just going through the motions of life. It was a feeling I didn't want around, but I couldn't shake it, I couldn't help but feel beholden to it for some unknown reason. When the feeling persisted in college and was affecting what I had been told were supposed to be the "best years of my life", it was bringing me down even more.

I can't explain what really caused the turn around moment. There's no big revelatory lead up or symbolic moment. But I just suddenly realized, when I was either 19 or 20, that my mental perspective was in my control. That sure, nothing mattered, but it could matter if I chose to make it matter. And no one could help me out of my depression but me (because by that point I knew, many people had tried), so by the strength of my will, I would choose to be a happier, more positive person. I would choose to create meaning for myself because I want to.

It's funny because other people had definitely told me about how powerful perspective can be, but I couldn't internalize it. I also recognize that depression is not just a matter of lacking willpower; that it indeed is a chemical imbalance in the brain. And I think the moment for me was probably due to a combination of my body coming out of the teenage hormone phase, and me doing a lot of introspection about my mental state at the time. But, it's made a big difference for my life ever since.

by (60,050 points)
+3

I can relate to this because I also have depression, along with anxiety. It is a major struggle to be motivated sometimes and find purpose. Certain things that have happened in my life have caused the level of depression and anxiety to escalate. It is getting better, some days are worse than others. 

I am a positive person and I don't show that side of myself to others, so no one would know unless I told them. It reminds me of Robin Williams and how he always wanted to make others happy and laugh, but no one knew his struggles inside. That is exactly how I am, which is why it resonates with me so much.

I am so glad you found a way to be in a better place within yourself! It is hard to do, I know it. I wish you all the happiness :)

+2

Thank you, Beautiful, it is definitely always a journey and a struggle. At some times during the pandemic my depression has come back around mildly, and it relates very much to lacking motivation and purpose, just like you.

I'm sorry you also deal with depression, as well as anxiety. I've realized for myself I can also get anxious sometimes, by being too much in my head trying to over predict outcomes or avoid unwanted results in situations I logically know I have absolutely no control over, nor does the result actually have any serious consequences in the way I irrationally fear it to. Yet, "irrationally" is the key word. I can't always reason myself out of the feelings. Often what I find that gets me out of the feelings is staying busy. Busy enough that I don't ruminate too much, but not so busy that I'm overwhelmed or tripping over myself.

Anyway, I share that in case that's any solace or help for you and your experience. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I think through connecting and sharing it helps ease the burden a little sometimes :)

+2

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I am the same way you described where I over think every single situation and drive myself crazy. And you are correct, we have no control over anything that happens but somehow we believe we can over think our way out of it. 

I have also found that keeping busy distracts me from it as well. It sounds like we are a lot alike! I don't want to be prescribed any medications for depression or anxiety, so I've been trying to find ways to overcome it myself. Keeping busy is really the best way. I also have been trying not to think too deeply about minimal things. It has helped and my anxiety has calmed down a lot.

Another thing that has helped me is talking about what's going on with people close to me, instead of keeping it in. A lot of people look down on speaking with a therapist, but everyone would benefit from doing so. It has a negative connotation that something is wrong with you, but it really makes a difference. Therapy gives you different perspectives and makes you understand yourself better. 

I'm happy you shared with me! :)

+1

We definitely do seem to be similar in some ways, yes! I agree with you on therapy, for sure. It has helped me practice more self kindness.

Thank you also for sharing with me! :)

+2 votes

Overall, this has been the most significant decade of my life. I earned two degrees, married my queen, and so grateful that my music related affairs allowed me to travel and see more of the country. I also dropped close to 75 pounds. On the flipside, I watched lung cancer ravage my mother until she passed away. Additionally, I lost my favorite uncle who taught me about running businesses at an early age. I'm grateful for the course my life has taken because I've fought hard to get to this point in spite of the setbacks. Discipline carried me as my motivation faded. 

by (1,229,310 points)
+1

You should be so proud of yourself. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother and uncle, but I am sure they are very proud of you as well. If only we could keep our loved ones forever. 

I believe that the setbacks make you fight even harder. You learn the most lessons from the setbacks and you become better for it. Never give up! Always push forward and good things will come. 

+1

Thanks for the well wishes. I believe those two are really responsible for my mentality to get back up in the face of failure. While she may not have been adventurous, she was very intelligent and able to utilize different perspectives to achieve the goal. My uncle showed me I didn't necessarily have to sell dope or be a professional entertainer (unless I wanted to) in order for a Black man to see and have money. I hope I am making them proud. 

Setbacks are a setup for the comeback because discipline carries you when motivation fades. I believe that with all my heart and soul. Never give up!

+2 votes

I'm back as promised, Beautifulmind!

I'm fortunate to have the life I have. I'm successful, I achieved every goal and dream that I've ever strived for. I continue to set goals for myself, and for the better good. I experienc(ed) many happy moments, family events and otherwise. Out of all of that, it's the giving to achieve life changing moments for others that has changed my life. Sometimes we don't realize just how fortunate we really are, but when we do that epiphany wakes something up deep inside. When I started to pay attention to the many things around me, that's when it happened, my life changing moment, and that was to do more, more good, so I continue to do more. Then on the flip side it happened again watching my love, and others like him who would do anything to stay alive, to just find normalcy again, to be healthy. To have it all back. To have one more chance to live without the pain again. The wanting, the reaching, the hoping for that better day to come. Some get their miracle, but  sadly some don't. There's a lot we can do to help others find that miracle they seek. Giving others an opportunity in any capacity is one of the greatest gifts there is. Everyone has something to give!
There's all kinds of good, and there's all kinds of pain, all around us. Celebrate life, and all those special moments, whatever they are. Be kind, celebrate, give, don't take anything for granted. Do more!


by (298,320 points)
+3

Hi Sandy, thank you for returning! 

You are so right. I hope that your love finds comfort in his pain. My mom had breast cancer and is now in remission (she had both breasts removed). It was a long road to recovery and we went through a lot with her health scares. A few years before she had cancer, she was diagnosed with another very rare disease which almost took her life. 

It is so true to never take life for granted because we never know how much time we have left. 

I also believe in helping others as much as possible. Any small gesture can mean so much. 

Your success is a reflection of the person you are! When you keep striving, success will follow. 

Thank you for sharing :)

+3

Like my favorite songs, it's music to my ears when I hear someone who gets it, and understands! Your comment made me feel understood!  The ups and downs in life gives us so much wisdom. You're thoughtful and solemn, Beautifulmind. You demonstrate maturity and understanding of someone beyond your years, much older than 29 going on 30. That's not only a blessing it's priceless. 

I'm truly sorry about your mother, and to all who love her that suffer this life changing experience with her. May her beautiful light continue to shine  everyday! 

You're truly special from what I've witnessed here. You're welcome and thank you from my whole heart. I don't talk about my pain too often, it gets in the way of my positive life changing purpose, that I find very few actually understand. You're kindness is refreshing, very welcoming. 

My best to you! 

: )

+3

Thank you so much Sandy! Beautiful words :)

You are also a very thoughtful and loving person. I can tell you are a wonderful person to be around with beautiful energy, and I am sure you are someone who is very loved by your friends and family!

It means a lot to hear. My mom is doing much better now and I'm so grateful for that. I don't know what I would do without her. My mom remained positive throughout everything and I truly believe that made all of the difference. I always tell people they have to stay positive. 

Thank you again for all of your beautiful words, and I wish you all of the best as well!

+2

Very moving, SandyGirl. Including both your conversation on topic, SandyGiril and Beautifulmind.

+2

Sandy, I absolutely love reading your responses. The verbal imagery you use is so descriptive and filled with vividness, it's like you see and feel it. Are you an author? Let me know when the first book drops! Lol! But seriously, it's an honor to be graced with such a lost skill.

+2

Beautifulmind (BM, not baby mama LOL).... 

I'm glad your mother is still here and you can love on her. Your questions and responses are insightful and poised. I enjoy your presence here too. Also, you have an incredible future ahead of you full of abundance and prosperity. I look forward to reading about it, Lord willing!

+3

Thank you, King. I really enjoy and appreciate you too. You're definitely an inspiration. I'm happy you're reaching your goals, and your injury is healing. Stay positive, it looks good on you! My best to King, always!

+2

There is so much love on this thread! I love it. 

Thank you to King, Sandy, and Sam! You are all extremely sweet and I am glad to be able to talk with all of you. Very sincere, wonderful people :)

King, whenever I see the "BM" abbreviation I think of baby mama too! Lol

I agree that Sandy does write so eloquently, like an author!

+3

Backatcha, Beautifulmind! 

I truly believe in the "Law of Attraction" that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life. Of course, it's not bullet proof, but that way of thinking without  a doubt helps more than it hurts. You're definitely definitely a positive person. A ray of sunshine. 

Here's wishing you a good day, everyday! 




+3

Sandy, I refused to sit and sulk about it once I locked in. The whole situation sucked & I did nothing wrong but there was nothing I could do to reverse time. It was my turn to take on the mountain of shit and use it as fertilizer for harvest. I'm not one to back down from hard work and this was the challenge my life needed. Not that I hadn't already seen enough from grieving over Mom.... I use a different perspective. The accident was symbolic to climb out of it and into the next decade (turning 40 this year) better than before I went in. 

I knew for me to walk again, I'd have to practice walking around the parking lot in the middle of winter with my cane. Sounds crazy but there were enough days without snow on the ground to safely hobble around. 20 degrees or lower? So what, bundle up buttercup! Last month I was able to walk 15 miles in one day. I also have lost close to 75 pounds since the pandemic began. I constantly say these last few years have been the very best of my life so far simply because of what I've proven to myself. 

+1

BM, that's the very first thought I had. 

Baby mama ain't good enough for you, Beautifulmind.... 

0

Thank you very much, King :)

+1

King! I, sincerely admire, and respect everything you've done, and continue to do to get where you are today. Being strong for yourself is a huge deal, definitely a challenge. Therefore, congratulations! I, also, respect that you don't take for granted the people whose lives made a difference in yours. Very admirable. 

Continue to go for it, King!  You'll soon be there! 

+1 vote

It would be when my oldest daughter was born. Yes, what a change it was.  She was born with a very rare condition, and used to have seizures as an infant.  She had learning disabilities in school and found it hard to catch up with her peers. She had difficulties in Reading as in Maths. But she did graduate high school, went to a community college for only a year, but then went to an online school for music (The Berkley School of Music ) and got a music certificate from it, and although she does not work in music, she had always wanted to have her own band. She plays guitar, some keyboards, and used to like playing drums at home.  Now she lives on her own, is working at a store, but suffers from anxiety. Understandably, she feels different from others because of what she's been through medically speaking. Being she was my first-born, it was not an easy ride for me at all--coming home before she came home, while she was in the ICU at the hospital. So this journey with her and all her doctors, definitely changed my life. I try to give her all the support i can to make her brave to face her own future. 

by (1,250,910 points)
+1

Amy, your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom! It is very understandable that she suffers from anxiety because of all she has been through. Despite all of the struggles she has faced, she has accomplished so many incredible milestones. She should be very proud. Life is not easy, but it sounds like she has made the best of it all. 

+1

Thank you, Beautifulmind, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words. She has it rough but is making the best of it. She has friends with similar problems and in a way that also helps her. And moms will always worry about their children, no matter what age they are! 


+2 votes

My Near Death Experience in 2018 (with coma and brain injury of which I'm still seeing signs of furthering recovery from) changed me down to the core, every fibre of my being... beyond what I can articulate with mere words. 

I think, see the world, life itself, everything, 'different', not necessarily either in a negative or a positive way, but if I could go back and avoid the NDE and the effect it has had, I would, at whatever the asking price.

by (27,650 points)
+1

Wow, I'm so sorry you experienced this. I am glad you made it. I can only imagine what having a near death experience does to you, I'm sure it must be rough. It is understandable that you see life much different now. I hope you continue to recover and I wish you all the best! 

+1

Thankyou Beautifulmind for the kind thoughts ! Your name on this site is clearly an apt one for you.  Take Care !

0

Thank you, that is very sweet of you to say :)


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