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+3 votes
140 views
Sincerely, 
from someone who will be turning 30 very soon...
in All The Rest by (213,070 points)

5 Answers

+4 votes
 
Best answer

BeautifulM, it isn't true.  Life doesn't begin at thirty.  It doesn't begin at 50 or 40 or 20.  It begins at whatever age you become self-aware enough, introspective enough, and thoughtful enough to realize WHO you are and WHERE you want to go with your life.  

That doesn't mean you have a moment when you see a "final version" of your life and that never changes.  For me, it was a moment in my sophomore year of college:  I saw myself without blinders.  I saw myself as I really AM, not as what I wanted others to think I am.  At that moment, I realized that -- for me -- I had to learn how to accept who I am: the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I'm at the point now in my life where I may not "love myself" but at least I don't mind being around myself.  And that's been a 52-year journey so far and a journey that won't stop tomorrow, and I won't stop growing, either.

Although that was poorly said, the bottom line is that "life" begins when you determine to live it and accept responsibility for that life as you live it.  For you, it sounds like it really kicked in for you when you realized you weren't ready to get married.  From that time forward, it seems to me that you have been living.  You have taken responsibility for your own life, and you have grown into a compassionate, intelligent, and beautiful human being inside and out.  We have seen that about you here even though we haven't met you in person.  

You are already living.  The trick is to continue to live and grow. Turning thirty won't change you on the inside.  Turning thirty won't make you look older than you were the week before you were thirty.  The old saying is actually true: age is a state of mind.  And you are aptly named in every respect, so far as I can see.

Best wishes as you move forward and continue to live your life!

P.S. My attitude towards birthdays is this... and think about it... on your thirtieth birthday, you have completed your 30th year of living.  At age 29, you entered your 30th year of living. If it helps... you're welcome to borrow it. :-)  

by (924,720 points)
+2

That is so kind of you to say, Media! Thank you for that :)

And yes, that moment in my life was a definite turning point and I didn't even realize it yet. I completely relate to learning to love yourself for who you are. I feel that I am now at a place where I do really love myself. I feel bad for how hard I used to be on myself. The closer I've gotten to thirty, the less I care about things that I used to put so much emphasis on.

And I'm for sure going to borrow your birthday saying! Lol

+3 votes

Maybe.

At thirty you are old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.  You gain freedom and respect.  Less than that most people don't think of you as an adult, and most young people are still trying to impress and respect older people.  By thirty, people are generally comfortable with their sexuality, they know what they want to do when they grow up, and may be doing it.  And frequently at 30 you are not too encumbered, as you get older, you have more commitments.

Good luck.

by (1,619,050 points)
0

Interesting...well as long as I'm not considered "old" I'm good lol.

+1

Thirty is the perfect age.  Of course I might be biased.  I didn't graduate from college until I was 29.  I may be a slow learner.  Lol

+1

I wish I was 30 again! Agree with Wellone 100%.

+1

It's never too late to learn! In college, I had a class with a woman who was in her 70s and she told me she was there to complete her Doctorate and she didn't care if she died the next day...she wanted to die having completed her Doctorate. Amazing woman, I always think of her when I feel like something is too tough or out of reach. It is NEVER too late. 

Gives me the courage to keep going. Fear has been in my way for a long time, and I'm trying to put an end to that way of thinking. Sometimes you must take risks. I've learned more from my failures than I ever have from my successes. 

And thank you BOTH for making me feel good about turning 30, it feels bittersweet for me lol. :)

+2

I reentered college at 26 & graduated with the first degree at 30. Never too old to make it happen and understand feeling like a slow learner. 

+2

Sounds like my story.  Enter collage at 19, reenter at 25.  Graduate at 29.  Goal of graduation by 30, met.  

People wanted to know if I was interested in an advanced degree?  I told them that I might not live long enough, and got a job.

+2

BeautifulMind, you're so welcome. Again--you have your whole life ahead of you. So seize the  day (years) and learn as much as you can. Knowledge is power- probably my favorite saying.

  I admire that lady at your college. In my college years, we had a woman who was middle aged, but not in her 70s. We always liked her for what she was doing. You can never cease to learn. I didn't tell you this but at this time I am learning Chinese. :D.  As crazy as that may sound, I think learning a new language makes you use pathways in your brain that need more use. I wanted to learn Japanese, but it happeend that I found more inform on Chinese than Japanese.  Now, if i were 30, I'd probably learn quicker. 

 

+1

Amy, that is awesome! I've tried learning Arabic and it was so difficult. I've heard that Chinese is one of the toughest languages to learn, I think specifically Mandarin. You got this! I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.

My boyfriend is originally from Pakistan and he speaks Urdu. He has tried teaching me and I've actually picked up on it quite a bit, but it is hard. For every two or three words we speak in English, it's like two sentences worth of words in Urdu lol.

What made you choose to learn Chinese? China is actually located above Pakistan.

0

I really wanted to learn Japanese, but Chinese was easier to find lessons for. I belonged to a Chonese Culture Meetup Group but was not happy with it, so I unjoined. I use an app that is very helpful (Hello Chinese), as well as Youtube videos to learn. The app is easier to learn from, but the pronunciation is what is hardest to master. I had wanted to learn Japanese in order to visit Jaopan one day in the not so far future.  I'm not sure I would want to visit a communist country at this point in time, so not China.  

   But that's exciting about you leanring Arabic. I'm sure it haw to be hard to learn. One of my sister's nieces (on her husband's side) married an Arab man (the country, I don't know for sure) and has adopted his religion. She also knows some Arabic to some extent. Where I live there is a strong Muslim community and a humongous mosque where you can see them walking to in the evenings to go for services.

+2 votes

Hello from a fellow 30-something! I wouldn't say my life has "begun" in my thirties, per se (granted, I'm still on the early end), but they are definitely building off of the decisions I made in my twenties.

Many of my friends are just now getting married, starting families, buying homes, etc. A bit later than in other places of the country, but also, much later than previous generations...so in this sense it can seem like life is "beginning" for them because those are the typical adult life checkpoints.

Additionally, it just seems like people are finally settling into accepting themselves for who they are, not putting up with other people's bullshit as much, and also some (but not all) finally learning from mistakes.

So in all these ways, I could see how being in your thirties could sound like that's when life "begins" but all the experiences and work and time that came before that needed to happen in order to get to this point. Many folks just say it keeps getting better and better as you get older, except the getting older part :)

by (79,390 points)
+2

Many folks just say it keeps getting better and better as you get older, except the getting older part :) >

    I can attest to that. 

+3

You are so right about all the lessons learned and time it took to get to this point for it to feel like life's getting better. Could not have gotten here without all of that happening to pave the way. 

Funny you mention about how your friends are just now getting married and starting families. I've noticed as well that people seem to be waiting a little longer nowadays, which I completely agree with. I was talking with a friend of mine who is in her late 30s and she was talking to me about how she and her husband waited to have kids. She told me that she's glad she waited because her kids have a better version of her now, than they would've had if she were their mother at 25.

Side story...I was engaged at one point, wedding was planned/paid for and everything...and it didn't work out. I ended up calling it off. At that time, I was crushed for many reasons. I was sad that my grandparents may not ever get to witness me get married or have kids, I felt like I was disappointing a lot of people for different reasons. At the time of this happening, I was enrolled in classes at the Catholic church because I was supposed to be getting married in a catholic church but I never finished doing my confirmation (which is one of the sacraments you have to do in order to be allowed to marry in catholic church). Instead of dropping out of the classes, I decided to continue to go and still finish by myself. Mostly everyone who was enrolled was there with their fiance because they needed to complete confirmation to get married in church. In the class, I overheard one of the girls talking to another couple and saying how she doesn't get how people could be close to their late 20s and not married, engaged, or having kids. I remember her ending it with, "What are those kind of people even doing with their lives?" I remember feeling so sad and thinking to myself that I didn't choose for it to be this way, I just wasn't lucky enough to find my person or happiness by a certain age. She had no idea why I was going alone to these classes. It wasn't that I didn't want those things or I wasn't doing anything with my life, the hand I was dealt just wasn't the same.

Anyways, sorry this was so long and I rambled!! But I'm happy I kept going to these classes. I'm not super religious, but it really helped me a lot by going. I met some great people who helped me during this time.

+2

BeautifulMind, that young lady at the church has no clue about life. What are you doing while you are single? Living life, that's what. You don't need to be married to be happy in life, and that's the truth. I'm sorry you are upset at the thought of not having your grandparent see you get married. But honestly, I think the older you are, the better it is because you have seen that many men and seen what you dont want, as well as what you want, in a man. I would rather have waited for the "right" person, than to have married the wrong one, and I kind of did. He was a great provider, excellent person with others,  but also had a mean temper behind closed doors that I could not live with anymore. I did not want my daughters to grow up thinking that was normal behavior. 

So don't feel bad, you have a boyfriend now which is great, and I hope you're getting along with him nicely, and if not, you know what you have to do. Don't ever feel pressured to marry just for the sake of marrying, because it could be a mistake to. Wait until you have found that perfect person for YOU.  

+2

Amy, thank you so much for the wise words :) 

Looking back on it now (this happened about 4 years ago) I actually feel sorry for that girl because she was placing a value on something that is priceless. We grow up thinking we need to have it all figured out by a certain age, and if we don't we aren't as worthy. Society sets these standards that if you aren't married and have kids by the ideal time frame, something is wrong with you.

Now that my head is a little more clear and I'm in a better place, I see that it's not a rush. Like Mariah Carey's song, love takes time lol. I definitely learned a lot from everything that I went through.

I'd much rather be single forever than be in the wrong company. If it happens, great...if not, then it wasn't meant to be.

I am glad that you did what you believed to be right for you and your girls. And I'm sure you're much happier for it. When things don't work out with someone it's not always because that person is a bad person. If it isn't making you happy or a better version of yourself then it is not worth it. 

My boyfriend now is great. We come from two very different cultures and that has taken some time to adapt to, but he is a good person. I'm definitely taking my time this time around!

+1

Beautiful, I myself avoided marriage twice so far. The first time was an actual engagement, and while the second time wasn't, I basically felt like I was almost his wife. And, I am so glad I got out of both of those relationships. They just were not the right fit for me. I can relate to what you're saying in a lot of ways.

It sounds like either that other woman had a limited view, or just simply a different set of priorities. For some people, finding a partner and starting a family are a very big priority and it's the number one thing they want in their life, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just like there's nothing wrong with choosing a life of solitude and becoming a monk in a monastery for instance (an extreme one, at that, but still, haha). What is at the root of the problem is when there is an expectation that everyone should follow the same path, want the same thing, make the same choices, and that if they don't there is something wrong with them or they are a failure or they should be "fixed".

That judgmental attitude is something I think people do not really "mature" out of, unfortunately.

+2

Sapph, I agree. I can understand why that girl believed what she was saying to be true. She assumed her main goal should be everyone's goal. And I also agree with what you said about there being nothing wrong with someone wanting to be married vs someone wanting to live in solitude. You're right, the issue is the expectation of everyone following the same path.

I also get the feeling she may have been a bit naive in her thought process of marriage = happiness. Marriage and kids don't necessarily mean your life is set and everything will be rainbows and sunshine. Fulfillment comes more from within than what your relationship status is. 

When we are young we think we are going to have everything we've ever wanted once we get out on our own, but that's not always (or even usually) the case.

0

You make great points, Beautiful. A false expectation some bring into marriage is that the other person is responsible for their happiness, which is not true. And, as we get older, our lives usually don't turn out the way we initially wanted or planned for them to...but I like to think about it in a bit more of a positive way. Because, while that may factually be true, it's not entirely within our control whether it happens or not and I believe we all do the best with what we've got and with what we know at the time. Circumstances are always changing and therefore our wants and priorities always will too.

+1 vote

Well...in my experience they were a heck of a lot better than my teens and 20's. Hoping the 40's will keep building on the momentum. 

by (58,260 points)
+1

40s are the new 20s! 

+1

My teens were tough too. :/

+3 votes

I answered your previous question with an answer fitting for here. My 30s have been the most significant decade of my life thus far. A lot was learned. There were gains and losses that taught me to place more value and emphasis on hard work. Doubling down on yourself. I turn 40 and leaving this decade behind as you enter yours. I believe these will be the best of your life like it has been for me.  

by (1,233,830 points)
+1

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I am sad to get older, but also happy at the same time. I wish for your next decade to be just as great, if not, better. :)

+1

Don't be sad... be encouraged. Travel somewhere you've never been and take in the sights. Challenge yourself in ways you never thought possible and witness how life blesses you. I KNOW this will be your best years so far because you seem to have all the tools necessary for continued growth and personal development. Love those who love you and stay humble but hungry for your goals. You'll be fine. I know it! ;)

0

Thank you so much for your words! I definitely want to travel more, that's a great idea :)

0

Name 3 to 5 places on your to-go list....

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