Infidelity and divorce

Question

Hi I have found evidence of my s/o cheating on me and abandoned the family. Me and the kids are heartbroken and scorn. Long story short he is having an affair , rented secret apartment and now is in hawaii with them on fathers day while the kids are crying and feeling awful and the wife in distress. I haven’t eaten, i am trembling so much. I now understand why he’s been such an asshole lately. The lies are elaborate. We are so hurt we can’t function or think straight. What do I do now?  My mental health is so low, I am hanging by a thread. Dying seems so much easier. 

Answer 1

That’s quite a lot to handle all at once. You have my sincere sympathy.  All I can say and advise you to do is to take a deep breath, take care of yourself as much as you can after you have grieved this situation, and begin to sort out what your plans are. lDon’t make any important decisions while you are distressed. 

   I’m not sure if you mean he will return home, or not. However, keep the evidence and dont give it to him when he returns. You may need to show it to a lawyer or court later. Seek immediate help for yourself, be it through counseling, a friend who listens, or your family. The important thing is to regain your strength before you begin to deal with whatever comes next. If divorce to you is imminent and it sounds like it is, get yourself a good lawyer to help you with the process. 

   You will go through various stages of this grieving process as if it were a death of someone. Right now, support is very important, and a clear mind later to make the right decisions. Your children are suffering now and they too need support. Talk to them, tell them you are there for them, seek counseling if needed, and let them know you will all go through this together. Expect them to be angry and upset, because that is only normal. Hopefully their Dad will see them in the future after the difficult part of adjustment is over. 

  I wish you the best of luck. 

Comments

Ty, i hate him so much

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That’s very understandable. The important thing is, to give yourself time and to take care of you, never mind him. Whatever happens, your lawyer will make sure everything is fair to you both. I know you might feel you want revenge—- but don’t bring yourself to his level. What he did was a disgrace— but in the end you may be better off without him and his ways.  Hard to see that now, I’m sure. It will all pan out in the end. 

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear this. This is never going to be easy, but you will get through it. It also happens a lot, not that helps you. Do whatever it takes to look after yourself and the kids. You mention dying, which should always be taken seriously. Believe me, it's not worth it. Get advice and support asap. Crucially financially. I'm also guessing you will find others that have been in the same situation online. The Internet will give you a lot of the information you need, for free a lot of the time. Use it.

I'm no expert in this field but I'm sure you will get some helpful responses on here. I hope you get through this difficult time with as little pain as possible.

Answer 3

Getting over betrayal is hard, that's something our parents don't tell us. If you still have feelings for him that will make it harder. You are going to have to mentally find something or someone else to get attached to, or the pain will always resurface every time you feel lonely. Most people choose to get attached to their children, some choose alcohol and others choose new relationships. I suggest you choose the one that is best for you, (excessive food and alcohol shouldn't be one of them). Once you find something that you really enjoy doing, you will get the dopamine rush from that, and shortly after, you will lose all feelings (hate or love) for him. This will help you move on smoothly.