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+1 vote

This guy messaged me on Instagram mid-May and he has been a really sweet person to talk to. I did mention ±3 times that I didn't want to get married as I thought the talk of marriage would scare him. However, that didn't work in my favor. He said only in the next few years, will he be looking for a wife. 

We've never met but we live in the same town and I know his father, RIP. I asked him what his intentions were with me and he said he didn't want to say anything yet because we hadn't met yet. I don't mind being his friend but his told me time and again that I was his crush. 

He sends me reels on Instagram and in a nutshell, implies that he likes me. He always tells me how much he likes talking to me and so on but I don't want a relationship, not only with him but with anyone. How do I let him down easily without hurting him? 

in Dating by (1,600 points)

2 Answers

+1 vote

You can't change the way someone else feels, you have no control over whether this guy has feelings for you or not. But you can establish boundaries over whether or not you accept his displays of affection/his feelings towards you. Have you said to him that you only want to be friends? That you are not interested in any relationship? Being clear with the kind of relationship you are able to give (friendship only) is the first step. Calling him your friend, sending gifs/images that insinuate (or directly mention) that he's your *friend*. Unfortunately, for women things don't always stop here because men think that eventually they can change women's minds (which, sure, sometimes they can, but sometimes they can't) - frankly, to me, it's just disrespectful if a guy ignores your boundaries and pursues what he wants despite you expressly stating you're not interested. But, so much popular culture and society enforces this shitty behavior in men.

Anyway, I digress. You also have no control really over whether a guy gets his feelings hurt from you rejecting him or not. Of course, there are ways to go about letting him down that are better and more considerate than others, but also at the end of the day, he is responsible for his reaction and behavior, not you. I have had guy friends express feelings for me, and coworkers too, and usually initially I just subtly avoid or dance around any sort of advances, hoping that they'll get the hint and stop pursuing. Talking about being interested in other men helps - or in your case, talking about not being interested in anyone at all whatsoever, no exceptions. The indirect but obvious statement that in your mind there is absolutely zero thought of him in any sort of romantic, sexual, suggestive way, should also start to clue him in, without directly rejecting *him*. But, if all else fails, and he's still giving you compliments and suggesting that he's into you as more than just a friend, and it makes you uncomfortable - AND you really cherish him as a friend and want to maintain the friendship - then just be real, up front, direct with him and say that you're just not interested in him in that way, but you do care a lot about him as a friend, and that you would like to keep the friendship going if he's okay with being just friends too.

by (73,000 points)
0 votes

So let me get this straight. You both live in the same town and have been communicating since May? Then why not a meet up? Unless he looks like elephant man why would he not rush to meet you, since you are his crush? Something doesn’t add up????

by (893,660 points)

Well, he has spoken about it. A while back he wanted to take me for lunch but I made up some excuse because... I don't know if I wasn't ready or if I didn't want to.

Prior to that, we were supposed to have supper but something on my side came up and we didn't.

But I recently asked what he wants out of the friendship, after we meet and he was honest and said he wanted something more than just friends. But, his way of communicating has been a bit too affectionate. Like, he makes it hard to be honest and straightforward with him. It makes you feel bad for rejecting him, considering the way he talks. I feel like I should just ignore him for a few days because I've told him how I felt and that I didn't want anything intimate with anyone, but his still sort of persistent. 

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