I'm not going to say...actually I am, you were well warned, you posted and posted hoping to get the answer you wished for and now real life just smacked you in the gob .
Here is my tuppence worth, for what it's worth..
You are going to feel like shit for a few weeks then you are going to have more happy times without him than with. This I can promise you.
So get a bottle wine, have a pity party, then leave it in the past.