Move around a lot

Question

Hello fans,

I am hoping to find some therapists or psychologists here. I have a question. I know a friend who moves around a lot. He manages to hold his jobs and attend school to receive his education. He told me he moves around every 3-4 years. He grew up in a military family that he moved around a lot in his childhood. He has a hard time to establish solid relationships, but he has stable home and mange finances well. 

I wonder does this mean he has borderline disorder because he likes to move around a lot, even that he can have a stable home and a job. What kind of mental health disorders make people feel the urge to move around lot? He has stable moods. He does not have low and high moods like bipolar disorder. He took online quizzes on bipolar disorder and borderline disorder. the quizzes said he do not have it. He said he grew up in a narcissistic family and he thinks he may have undiagnosed ADHD.

Answer 1

Wanting to move around a lot is not a mental disorder. I've heard, however, that people who have this strong desire to relocate or vacation a lot are said to have "wanderlust."

Keep in mind there's all kinds of behaviors that means different things to different people. What some people may find strange or intolerable others would find exciting and enjoyable. Simply put people like different things. Considering all the positives you mention, I wouldn't read anything into this other than he likes to move around a lot. It's quite possible that he just hasn't found the right person to settle down with yet. 

Answer 2

Sandy is absolutely correct.  Moving around a lot is not a mental disorder.  It is frequently a choice made by the person who moves.  Someone who grew up moving frequently might quite naturally feel that moving around a lot is normal, just as someone who grew up eating steak every Saturday would feel like it's "the thing to do" to eat steak every Saturday.

There's an old saying that goes, "there's no accounting for taste."  And that's most likely the case here as well.  For him, moving on a regular basis is normal.

Solid relationships take time and effort.  If he has a desire to establish a relationship with people, then he will be able to do that.  Some people are hard to get to know, and others take a long time before they open up.  Again, there is nothing wrong with someone who makes friends easily any more than there is something wrong with someone who is harder to get to know.  

One of my favorite sayings is this, and perhaps it is relevant here:  "If everyone liked vanilla ice cream, we wouldn't need strawberry."

Best wishes!

Answer 3

I wouldn't consider the desire to put down roots in new places to be anything abnormal.  At least no more abnormal than a person that never wants to leave. 

Answer 4

I understand people that grew up in a family that lived in the same community, school system and friends since childhood May think this is an odd lifestyle. 

But those who lived in different cities, states, etc must secretly wonder about the risk averse qualities of those who  nest in only familiar places.

I like others think it is simply a matter of preference.

Sometimes people find the road to advancement by moving to other job in the same industry but iin a different location.

Don’t put a lot of stock in magazine articles. According to them everyone is a Narcissist! Lol!

Answer 5

Not a therapist but a type of psychologist here. While my expertise is not on mental disorders (or pathologies), I am well studied on human behavior. I agree with what everyone else here has already said: not every characteristic difference or behavior is a diagnosable condition. People are too different to prescribe one narrow set of healthy traits and lifestyle. There is no disorder causing him to want to move around a lot.

Our brains are wired to repeat experiences and conditions that we are comfortable with, and these are often established in our childhood when we don't have much or any control over what happens to us. Some of these early experiences - combined with physical differences in our brains and bodies - can lead to disorders, but in most cases they are not signs of anything *wrong* with someone that needs to be fixed. People often wrongly want to label something as a disorder also so they can simplify a complicated problem, and give up any accountability or responsibility for action or change (like saying, "oh he's narcissistic so he will never care for others" - this is false).

If your friend has a difficult time building deep relationships with people and wants to, it's understandable that he is just not as good at it as most others due to the circumstances in which he grew up. So he's behind the average person in that skill, and can work to improve it on his own if he wants to. He can build this skill while still moving around a lot.