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+1 vote

I saw them today together and he was telling her that he was looking at the expiry date of her staff card at our university.

Why would he want to know the expiry date of her card?

in Dating by (26,930 points)

4 Answers

0 votes

It is concerning how close you are to her, are you cleaning her teeth from the inside?

And Staff? What is that?

by (3,139,170 points)
0 votes

I am guessing here.

A staff card suggests she works at the University either paid or volunteer? If she is paid, the expiration date might be when her contract is up.

Perhaps he is concerned how long she will be at this University?

by (955,680 points)

She was a student here and she used to come to uni daily even after graduating but then she got this role so started working. He already knows she has a library walk in card and was coming daily even before she was staff

0 votes


by (922,200 points)
+1 vote

Does your uni have a non-frat policy for it’s staff and faculty?

A non-frat policy often states faculty and staff may not have inappropriate relationships with the students.

This can include dating, intimate or sexual relationships. Penalty may be ending their employment. Another reason she may not want to become to intimate with him.

Students are not penalized generally.

by (955,680 points)

Hes phd so hes considered staff as well

And what about thiz

When my fwb flirted with his classmate how she didnt tell him that her guy friend went to Poland (hes not even close or friends with her) the girl later in asked him simce when did he become friends with them.

She also asked him if he was coming with her but he told her he will sit with those 2 girls and then she left.

She was talking to him normally the next day but she did apologise for being slow in reacting to how empathetic he was towards her.

Was this her being jealous?




Are you staff as well?


No student


But how did she get jealous in this?


She felt left out


So he is consider staff, and he is having sex with students?

Isn’t this against uni policy? Couldn’t he be fired for this???


How js geeling left out jealousy?


Hes not officially staff. Hes treated as one but is a research student 


Jealousy is actually “fear of loss”

If your friend decides to go off with others jealousy could easily be felt.

You for example:You are so jealous, apparently every time he meets with her, or talks with her  you apparently must listen in and analyze what is said?

She on the other hand just leaves. Still jealous.


What about her asking when did he become friends with those people?


He freaked out when i threatened to reveal the dirty weekend pics where he had threesomes with me and 2 other girls. 

He was so livid and fought with me and both the girls to stop posting the hot tub photos and they stopped byt insulted him online by shading him.

I dont get it. Why doesnt he want to hide his dirty deeds from her?


He obviously likes her and thinks she will disapprove of his sexual activities. Not everyone is so open minded as your group of swingers.

Some people still believe in one girl to one guy!

She maybe didn’t approve of “those people” She may have heard gossip about them that wasn’t very nice!

You and the other girls can be charged criminally for harassment by posting pictures on line. Who knows maybe kicked out of school? You are crossing a line here, Isabel. Remember when people posted your custard pics. Wasn’t so funny then, was it? 


Lol those were pictures he sent and he took himself. We all were sharing pics with each other and posted on instagram. He doesnt use any social media so he can hide. But i found out and told him i will tell her and he freaked out .

Why do these things when hes so scared of her finding out?

He chose to come to the summer vetaway, stay in a tub full of half naked girls and had threesomes etc. Why so scared then 


He trusted you not to blab about his activities!

Also he may not have cared about her or anyone early last summer!

Are you pregnant?


It happened this summer not last year

No im not. What trust lol. The 2 gurls are theatre actresses and they posted publicly lol


I meant this summer!

He seems to be more interested in her lately?


Either way he wants this girl to not think he is shagging anyone who will bend over!

That sounds like he likes her!


But he is? Hes still texting me and another girl?


He didnt see her or talk to her for 1 month and ever since he returned from his holidays and the summer vacation with us, he has taken more interest in her


There’s your sign that he likes her!

Interest = likes!


And hes still not being with her and texting us? What kind of interest is this lol


He wants his girl and his fwbs both!

Evidently he managed to have both up until now!


He doesnt have her. They only talk when they bumo inro each other at uni. Otherwise nothing

Its been 1 year and he didnt get what he wanted loll


So according to you he’s not getting any, so logic would say he shouldn’t care whether she knows about his sex life. Right? That would seem likely, yet when you threatened to tell her he freaked out.

Sounds an awful lot like a near panic attack? Like he was having when she suggested she might move away?

Love, isn’t logical.

After all you are seemingly in love with him with little encouragement, not even a real relationship?


Oh so he’s texting you again is he?

Must be time for sex?


Yes he still hasnt got any sex or even a kiss from her. Only hug that too extremely rare

The panic attack he had was also cos of this because it was during that time i told him i will tell her and he became awfully stressed and started fighting with me and the other girls

I know she tries to pry info from him about his personal life but he wont say it


Yes he is and he visited me but 3 days ago he looked so annoyed and with her as well he was really irritated, making her jealous etc


Is he the best you and she can do?


Do u think he actually likes her?


Yes, perhaps he has fallen in love with her!

And hes still seeing other women and hiding it from her?
How can he fall in love without sex?

When did she try and pry info from him about his private life? What did she say to him?


Very easily!

He may think she is not running around having indiscriminate sex and threesomes. He may actually think she is a “nice girl” The kind you introduce to your family!


She keeps asking what else other than his phd studies and he goes like no nothing, just boring life or working at the theatre as a bartender. Doesnt mention us or girls at all.

Just tried to make her jealous with his classmates 


But he himself hangs around with girls like this? The theatre actress and her friends all slept with him and with other guys too. He enjoys texting as well.

Hes clearly not looking for boring girls like her?


Well, he definitely wants to lead 2 separate lives.

One where he gets his sex needs and the other where he doesn’t want her to know about the other.

Some married men carry on like this for years with their wives none the wiser!


Well hes not married to her. Hes not her bf. He is pissed at her mostly for not giving him what she wants then why bother?


Obviously, because he still likes her in spite of being annoyed with her at times.

He could easily dismiss her. Yet he does not. 


But why does he do this? For what reason? 

He is already getting sex


He most likely is lonely in spite of having multiple sex partners.

There actually is more to life than just physical sex.

An comedian once asked jokingly “Who loves ya, baby?”

Men have deep emotions sometimes too. He may wonder who actually would care if he became ill etc. I think this is normal for humans.

At the end of the months, perhaps years of “just sex with basically strangers” he must feel unsatisfied at some point?

After all that, no one really cares about him!

Must be a lonely life?


But hes already had many friends and gurls whom he regularly meets for drinks or sex.  How is this lonely?

And that girl keeps aaking if hes ok when hes ill or stressed yet he chooses not to be with her


You can be lonely in a crowd. Shallow acquaintances are not generally fulfilling. He seems conflicted. He continues his sexual addiction but is strangely attracted to the opposite in her?

An odd paradox, would you not agree?


But he doesnt text her at all nor does he want to meet her for anything.  How is this attraction? He meets me and other girls but not her until they bump into each other at uni and then talk for 5 mins


Well then why would he care if she knew about you and the other girls?

Sounds like he has a huge crush on her!

Nothing he does makes any real sense does it? He’s just a senseless fool, sounds like! Lol!


But hes always irritated with her ?


He irritated with nearly everyone!

He is a narcissist what do you expect?

He wants it’s his way. When he doesn’t get his way with you or her he pouts.

Senseless ass!


But i ve seen her ask him if hes ok , if hes feeling better, always accompanying him to his study room even when she doesn't study there , texting first , giving side hugs, etc

The day he hugged her, she wrapped her arms around him totally.

So whats the point of irritated?


The point is he’s not mentally balanced!

Mentally unstable people get annoyed easily!

Doesn’t have to be logical to you or me, he has unreasonable expectations for other people but not. himself!

Do you think hes a very unhappy and lonely person?

Yes, I do!


Can u explain more(


It seems he is looking for fulfillment in having multiple sex partners. While, I don’t doubt he find sexual gratification. There is much more to real happiness than just reaching orgasm, even multiple ones.

Human beings typically aren’t wired to have multiple partners long term. There are many complexities to these types of relationships if you could even call them that. Even people who are bigamist find jealousies arising between the women. Who receives attention the most and rivalries as to who is favored. This emotional juggling is stressful on the male eventually. What was once a seemingly perfect life starts becoming a nightmare.

Many men initially believe they won’t get romantically involved. But, the sex alone isn’t emotionally satisfying. They are conflicted. Some nights they want to share their deepest thoughts and life goals and begin to yearn for a life partner. But they can’t have random sex partners and 3 somes and expect a woman who wants a monogamous partner to put up with their nonsense.

This causes mental stress and loneliness in the sense none of his fwbs are true friends or partners. This can cause more stress and depression resulting in panic attacks.

The person in this case continues with the circular thinking until a crisis forces them to ultimately choose one or the other.

This complex situation is self fulfilling ending in unhappiness, a downward mental spiral and isolation and loneliness,

I have known men who have actually experienced this.


But hes choosing to do all this ?


Of course it is he choice, no one is forcing him to do this!

Sometimes people who have mental issues don’t act logically.

Borderline Personality, Depression or Anxiety and many others can cause people to act differently than others. The choices these folks make are often illogical or seem strange to others.

You’ll drive your own self crazy trying to figure him out. Save your sanity!


Ok but why doesnt he forget about her then? Why does her rejection hurt him so much? He doesnt care when he breaks off with other girls


Because he’s cares so much. She is special to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have a problem just forgetting about her.

He has fallen in love with the her. Yes, it is possible without sex! Generations of people “fell in love” without having sex first. At the very least he has a “crush” on her.

It must be hard for you to accept, but it seems likely.


Half of them time hes annoyed and passive aggressive with her even though shes not. And still meeting other women. Ao how can this be love or crush?


That’s how people with mental issues act!

They don’t act like other people do!

I’ve tried to explain his circular thinking.

Do you understand what circular thinking is?

He keeps going around in circles and is miserable.

You are right most people would choose to have fwbs or a gf. He chooses both. Yet, his mental issues (rules) are he can’t chase that is initiate texts, requests to meet up!

He is irritated because he wants her to initiate texts or suggestions to meet up. That’s the big source of his frustration with her!

She has said to someone she won’t chase him.

This, is a circular stalemate!

This gives him stress and your threats to expose him gives him even more stress! He thinks she won’t talk to him if she finds out what he’s really doing on the down low! That’s why he is irritated with you.

You don’t understand how he thinks because he’s in love with her but doesn’t want to give up his sex…… because he’s a sexual addict.

He may end up in a psychiatric floor in a hospital from all the stress. I know of a man who this happened to. He may attempt suicide to relieve his mental agony.


But she has asked him to meet up and he chose to not reply?? 


He doesn’t act logically, does he? This proves his thinking is off. Can you not realize he is seriously messed up?

Who has panic attacks over someone he won’t even meet up with? Yet he was angry at you for threatening to tell her!

Boy, he’s a mess, wouldn’t you say???


And perhaps he didn’t reply to her text is he has started to suspect you are checking his phone text messages? Perhaps he actually has met up without your knowledge? 

He sure has wound himself up, hasn’t he?


He hasnt met her


So what does he want from her then? They arent going anywhere so why not keave her


Well, again because he’s not thinking properly! He’s circular in his thinking. He goes in circles and he has you following them in circles too!

He makes you jealous, then he makes her jealous and then he’ll be irritated because none of his bs is working!

To be blunt …. He’s nuts!


If nothing is going on with them why listen to their every conversation and obsess with “What does it mean”? That’s not logical if all they do is bump into each other?


He hasnt made me jealous. Just her


He copies her whatsapp last seen too. 2 days she didnt come after 7 pm and he did the same . When he doesnt come after 6 or 7 pm he usually visits me or another fwb and we spend the night together so he switches off his phone.

But when she tells him why she wasn't coming online and it has nothing to do with a guy, he starts coming online normally.

He did the same yesterday. She was gone after 9.30 pm and last night, even though i saw him on his phone and texted him, he didnt open the app after 9.31pm


If you aren’t jealous, why spy on them and what they’re doing and all the constant analysis of their interaction. Even now you are focused on their what’s ap activity. If that isn’t obsessive jealousy, I don’t know what is?


Well i saw him yesterday with his friends gf and i saw the girl as well. She was on the other street and i dont know if she saw him walking with the other girl but he saw her and started walking quickly. The girl then went in other direction

Today when i was sitting in the cafeteria, I saw that he came and he saw her but didnt say anything to her. She didnt say anything either and continued to work on her laptop. But I saw that he kept looking across the room in her direction.

She finally came to him saying she had to write thats why she didnt say anything to him and he was lied saying i didnt recognise you first cos of the seating but he was obviously lying cos he kept looking at her a few times.  He didnt mention the female friend and said he has plans this weekend when she asked him what hes doing this weekend

Now it means he doesnt like her right?

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