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+15 votes
3,123 views

Do you think that they are crazy to want to have intimate relations besides their own spouses?

in Polls by (226,240 points)

61 Answers

+7 votes

I am against it.

by (743,470 points)
0
No, you can do it moreover it's your choice.
+9 votes

If the couple is for it, who am I to question.  I know a number of folks in these relationships.  It floats their boat, who am I to cast the first stone.

by (2,877,980 points)
+8 votes

Actually, I don't. Every relationship has its own parameters and boundaries, so if it works for them then good.

by (1,185,210 points)
+9 votes

Not much.  It only leads to problems of all kinds for at at least one partner. I never understood the open marriage relationship.

by (1,019,900 points)
+10 votes

If it works for them, so be it. 

by (230,540 points)
+10 votes

 Not my cup of tea

by (1,877,930 points)
+7 votes

this is on the par of why do men/women cheat etc....well I stick by my answer with that why do men/women cheat question...

men/women have sexual affairs, emotional affairs and financial affairs and so do women....it all ties into one big azz excuse, you don't make me happy anymore etc type BS.....If a woman/man isn't there for the following three, he/she will seek other comfort either from a man or a woman..hell I dunno who's straight anymore ....anyway men/women need to learn how to express their feelings to their significant other instead of cheating....it makes no sense...be a man/woman and tell your wife/hubby she isn't making you happy and take your azz to some counseling and fix the shyt, grow some damn balls, express yourselves...there Is no need to be open in a marriage...if that is the damn case, then stay single and be a fukktard alone.....why openly agree to hurt each other..are you that damn desperate for companionship that you are willing to  put up with anything just to have someone by your side so you wont be lonely...that is a damn shame...

to be open in a relationship just says I don't trust u, and I need to have sex with other people because you aren't good enough for me and I don't love you.....that is so fukkin pathetic....whoever is involved is this type of fukktardism needs to grow the fukk up

by (3,099,030 points)
+3

I agree with you in may ways - where you are coming from on this.

I have learned, however, that it is simply not possible to talk to a partner honestly about such things.  It is like this big crazy game where we profess one thing, and then punish people for doing it.  Freedom of speech is like that too.

Cheating and lying will continue forever. There will never not be cheaters. There will never not be prostitutes.  This is the nature of humanity and because people are so ridiculously idealistic, these things will always be a problem.

The good news is that if you understand about how things work, you can avoid the worst of this.  It just takes a lot of honesty with onesself and a lot of time, patience, observing, and ultimately wisdom borne of experience.


+6 votes

Not my business and to each their own. Their lifestyle is fine as long as it doesn't affect me and they respect me. I don't like drama and I don't share my spouse that way. 


by (26,660 points)
+7 votes

I don't think anything about them.  Who people screw and why people screw is generally a "don't ask, don't tell" for me.

Not my business, and no one has ever invited me to participate.

by (1,514,210 points)
+7 votes

There is NO reason to get married or stay married if a person wants to have sex with other people. Marriage is a uniont between TWO people only!

by (5,058,010 points)
+2
Yeah but it's either a love or financial union. And for a lot of people love and sex are two very different things
+2
Thats true and I am sorry for them, but those are people I would never want in my life.
0

I don't think people who are probably aware that some would disapprove of the sexual needs really care if the people who don't like their choices stay in their lives. IJS. ;)

+10 votes

If you want to date and have relationships with people other than your spouse you shouldn't be married.  Some people don't have maturity for marriage.

Marriage takes maturity, commitment and work as well as love.

by (1,442,600 points)
+1
Your comment begs an interesting question: IS it really mature for people who know how to be happy to refuse to take on an opportunity for pleasure and fun?

I'm not sure that I think that all open marriages are exactly healthy arrangements, but that would be the fault of the people involved, not the mere opportunity to explore.

I suppose I'm digging in my heels at the idea that it counts as maturity if you stay in an arrangement you find unsatisfying. I would think it was the definition of maturity if you (gen. you) faced your desires, knew what would make you and your spouse the happiest, and went for it together. That could make for a very happy marriage for some people. Who are we to judge?

+5 votes

actually, yes I do think they're crazy lol. it must lead to a lot of issues later down the road of their relationship, but who am I to tell people how to live their lives. people don't listen anyways, they do whatever they want.

by (503,660 points)
+8 votes

I think what other adults do is none of my business. It's not my cup of tea, but as long as everyone involved is legal and consenting, I couldn't care less. 

by (2,420,590 points)
+8 votes

It's not a marriage....it's a leaking boat....

by (504,450 points)
+6 votes

If people  do this I believe they are not in love with their partners. If they want to screw just anyone they should stay single.

But people can do as they please, seems like.

by (211,710 points)
+10 votes

No I don't think they are crazy. They just want to have variety because there is boredom in a marriage soon enough.


by (362,700 points)
+10 votes

I think it works well for some people. Love and sex are two different things, and as long as there's no jealousy there's no reason not to separate them

by (100,300 points)
0

I agree. The only big potential problem I see in regard to open marriages is potential dishonesty born of paranoia and jealousy. If the people involved are better than that, then the more power to them. They should do what's right for them.

+9 votes

I knew a married couple who did this, it worked for them, guess they both enjoyed the spice of life, lol.

by (87,260 points)
+6 votes

I'm against it but its a fantasy too :)

by (29,000 points)
+6 votes

While it is not for me personally, it is none of my business and I don't care.  Be happy.

by
+7 votes

I totally disagree with open relationships! What is the point of being married if one wants to engage in that type of outside activity? It only brings drama, feelings, diseases, gossip, stress, etc. Its pathetic! With that behavior the bond and beauty of marriage is gone! 

by (28,020 points)
0

Considering that many people overestimate their own respective degrees of maturity, if you will, I think your point of view may, sadly, reflect the reality of too many such situations.

While any marriage can still be replete with drama, (bad) feelings, diseases, gossip, stress, etc, without being an open marriage, it is the unfortunate truth that many people don't take into account that the biases of their own backgrounds, which they may think no longer influence their behavior, will play the umpire when it comes to decisions concerning certain drives and life decisions. That is, some people were raised to be prigs and go on to believe that they can experience a lifestyle they're not ready for or even truly willing to embrace with an open mind. The results are, predictably, disastrous in such cases. I think open marriages get a bad rap precisely because of such unrealistic expectations and a tragic dearth of personal knowledge.

I'm not disagreeing with your decision to find open relationships distasteful, in short. I am asking whether the real problem, which makes some situations unnecessarily ugly, has more to do with the lack of self knowledge people have in regard to their own deep-seated prejudices, and less to do with the arrangement known as open marriage.   

+5 votes

I think what people do with their marriage is their own business 

by (292,750 points)
+5 votes

If people want to date and share "intimacy" with different people they should remain single.

by (1,442,600 points)
+7 votes

i think if they married the right person they would not want other relationships

by (1,660 points)
+6 votes

I think it's selfish, and two selfish people shouldn't be married.

I don't know of anyone who does this, but if I did, I wouldn't quit being their friend or be critical.  But by the same token, if one of them ran to me with the "problems" that occurred as a result, I don't want to hear about it.

by (113,350 points)
+6 votes

Its not my cup of tea. I guess some people like to have a variety. 

by (6,070 points)
+6 votes

I'm 100% against it.

Marriage= commitment to one another. 

Why to may if you're still engaged in other relationships? 

But it stays my personal opinion! 

by (3,830 points)
+4 votes

Wouldnt do it myself but it depends on the couple. People are so different

by (1,780 points)
+4 votes

To each their own.

However, I don't believe you should get married if your intention is to have another person with you in the marriage bed. I think that even if the couple agrees to it in the beginning, someone will always end up getting hurt and it opens your marriage up to other problems..

Better to stay single.

by (220 points)
+3 votes

I think "good for them" then I check to see if the husband is hot and throw myself in front of him

by (3,000 points)
+3 votes

I think it's none of my business what people do in their own marriages and relationships

by (292,750 points)
+1 vote

I think that's fantastic actually as I know it's human nature to want to fornicate. If it's an effective method to prevent infidelity and to keep their libidos and the spice running on all cylinders, then power to them. I'm glad you asked this question as I hope my paramour in the future is keen on having an open relationship as well.

by (563,610 points)
+2 votes

I'm not against it if both sides has no problem with it, but i guess it must be with limits.

note : for me it wont work :D

by (29,000 points)
+3 votes

Don't agree.  There are diseases out there, even with protection, easy to catch and bring home...  Will change your life forever...

by (8,310 points)
+2 votes

Open Relationships are a completely different type of relationship. One cannot compare this to marriage or intimacy in the same way we cannot compare friendship to parenthood - both may be great, but they are very different.

Open relationships work for only certain types of people. I would argue that those people fall into one of two categories:

Group 1 - is those people who cannot form meaningful pair bonds with another person. They like sex and it feels good and they want closeness, but true intimacy is a mystery to them. This can happen for a lot of different reasons, and we should not judge those reasons (because who really asks for this?) but this exists.

Group 2 - People who have been burned so badly so many times that they realize that all relationships are ultimately temporary and open anyway, so why not just make that transparent.

I am not saying I agree with this lifestyle. In fact I know that I could never even try this.  I am oriented toward a 1 man-1 woman situation. But I get why people go that route. Our culture has poisoned marriage and motherhood, so that does not leave much else.

by (31,190 points)
+3 votes

I know I answered this, but I don't see it.  

It's no one else's business.  Keep your eyes on your own paper and worry about your own relationships...or lack thereof.

by
+3 votes

I think they're missing something in their relationship and would rather try to find it elsewhere than work with their partner to ensure the needs of both are met

by (510 points)
0

But what if you can't get everything you need from one person?

+4 votes

No one's biz but their own. If people would focus on their own dysfunction, that would be great.

by
+1 vote

The are big time Swingers. what else can you call them?

by
0 votes

To each their own.

by (577,690 points)
0 votes

I know someone who lives the lifestyle, and they are a great friend.  I could never do it, but to each their own.  It has opened my eyes to many things

by (1,189,800 points)
0 votes

Its up to the persons in the marriage if they feel they are closer together then its good but if its going to drive a wedge between them then its time to get help with there marriage

by (1,560 points)
0 votes

I applaud them.   Keep it interesting.  :)

by (18,880 points)
0 votes

I don’t agree because it is disloyal to each partner and disrespectful. I would highly question if love even exists in the relation. However, if people want to live this lifestyle, who am i to judge. 

by (8,310 points)
0 votes

No one's business but the consenting adults involved. 

by
0 votes

To each their own.

by
0 votes

Many couples are these days getting into an open relationship just to have fun and to spice up married life. Most of them would end up ruining their married life because of the jealousy and insecurities but still there are couples who do it successfully and enjoy open relationship. Therefore, it depends on the couple and how they are seeing things towards the life. No one has a right to judge those people as crazy people.

 


by (20 points)
0 votes

I think that it isn't love nor is it a marriage. 

by (184,440 points)
+1 vote

I know only one couple with this lifestyle.  All I know is this:  if a couple makes this decision, they'd better be ready for what comes with it.  If they go into it with exaggerated fantasies and don't talk about expectations, they're screwing themselves.  And I don't want to be around for the fallout.

by (113,350 points)
0 votes

Morally, I think a lot of people are against it. On the other hand, I have heard that these types of relationships actually seem to spice things up and keep couples together.

by (1,580 points)
0 votes

Its there choice if they feel that it helps there relationship so be it but they really need to trust each other

by (1,560 points)
+2 votes

Hey, if you can handle it, more power to ya.

For me, its a no-go though.

If I wanted just an open relationship...why bother getting married?

If I ever get married itll be the real deal, or no deal.

xoxo

by (790 points)
+1 vote

If both of the people in the relationship are not against it....go for it....who am i or other people to judge

by (610 points)
+1 vote

I don't put much thought into it. We're in an age where a lot of things that are illogical to most or revolutionary are becoming widely accepted. So who are we to judge what they feel could work for them?

by (8,660 points)
+1 vote

Judging other people's consensual sex choices isn't my style.

However, I do have a concern: If people are so eager to have sex with others who are not their spouses, why not simply get a divorce and occasionally visit your erstwhile spouse? That way, you can still have sex with your old partner, have the opportunity to have new experiences, and avoid deceiving anyone.

The only negative impression I have regarding people who cheat on their spouses derives from their lying. I don't like or trust liars. As long as everyone is honest and everyone who should know about his / her spouse's intentions does, it's none of anyone else's business.

by (2,900 points)
+1 vote

A few years ago I would have answered a bit differently.

Now, having been married for over half a decade, I have to say I can't fathom why anyone would stay married if they intend to be unfaithful. I have no negative feelings for people who wish to have this sort of arrangement. I just don't know what sort of constructive purpose it would serve.

by (2,900 points)
0 votes

Relationships are complicated and people will do anything for happiness. They should not enagage in any relationship outside their marriage in my view, if they are not happy they should consider going their seperate ways.

by (170 points)
0 votes

I think if you haven't both taken the precautions to permanently no longer have children (unless that's part of the plan, have a baby, and one partner can't so you're asking someone outside the marriage to help and they agree) then yes, it's crazy, irresponsible, stupid, a good way to fuck everyone in the situation up (especially the babies).

Outside that, as long as they're honest, open, and follow their own rules then whatever. None of my business either way as long as they aren't hurting other people. Better be using condoms so they aren't spreading shit, but that's just basic common sense and human decency.

Do you! I think people have the right and responsibility to do what they want, desire, and anything they deem healthy and happiness-inducing. If an open marriage is that then cool. I can, to a degree, see how you connect with someone deeply and love them, but maybe are both busy and spend time apart and therefore satisfy sexual needs with others at time. Or maybe they love multiple people, but one mainly. You can have separate, unique, rich, rewarding relationships of different types and levels with multiple people. I have a friend that is poly. She has a main partner she lives with and who is only with her, but then has multiple other relationships from basically just friends to cuddle buddies to friends with benefits to playmates/fuck buddies. It works for all of them, so more power to them in my opinion.

by (3,000 points)
0 votes

Very little

by (1,540 points)
0 votes


I'm against it if I was married and my wife was seeing other men and having sex with them she'd be playing roulette with my life and even if she took precautions what if one day a guy she was sleeping around with poked holes in the condom and got her pregnant or gave her HIV? It can get complicated fast!




by (420 points)
+1 vote

This is an old question. I still feel that these open relationships just cause trouble for one of the people in the group. Totally against it, besides I would not want to share my sweetie with anyone. 

by (1,019,900 points)
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