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To wait or not to wait that is the question

+1 vote
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So been dating this guy for a year. Great dude. I love him he loves me . He's like my best friend. I could see myself building s future with him . Knows how to save, has a good head on his shoulders.  Mom and dad love him. Great. So recently he quit his job due to favoritism ( his boss favors his friend therefore giving his friend better hours and basically screws over everyone else). He also just got another certification and is looking to grow. This job did not allow for this so he left. So since leaving he has started doubting everything. He doesn't feel like a 'man' so he wants to take a break until he finds a job. He even told me to go off and date other people if I wanted .

Now to top it off we have some other issues as well: 

1. he wants a child by the time he is 30. Dude is 26 years old now. Why a time limit? Says he wants to raise his child in good active health . While I'm over here just trying to figure out why their is a timer ticking for him. Stresses me out. 

2. I believe in marriage for religious purposes. He believes marriage is a system built by the government etc... so he doesn't actually know if he would ever marry me specifically for love. Does this mean that he does not respect my beliefs and I should walk away? Does he not love me As he says he does ? 


Long story straight: I love this guy but is enough enough ? 

asked Jan 7 in Dating by Kissimi91 (710 points)

5 Answers

0 votes

He doesn't sound as committed to the relationship as you, so move on.    He's even told you to date others, so  don't waste your time waiting.


Dictators ride to & fro on tigers they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry.

answered Jan 7 by lavender (1,127,740 points)
0 votes

Wants to take a break and that you may see other people = he doesn't know what he wants, already knows it's not going to work out because of different relationship goals, OR he's just not that interested anymore. I pick the second...

The polar perspectives of marriage and children are going to, most likely, destroy the relationship and it's most probable that he realizes this and is backing out because of this. You two have very different life goals. Answer your question with this fact. 

Take care.


answered Jan 7 by Pookie (68,630 points)
0 votes

Doesn't sound like he thinks you're the one try to keep occupied give him some space

answered Jan 7 by Afirecracker (746,180 points)
0 votes

Self doubt during times of unemployment are normal.  Been there done that.

But it sounds off that he doesn't value support during this time.  He wants to be alone and wallow in his self pity.  And he wants to be seen as the smart, courageous, breadwinner.  Be careful of where and what he values women as.  It doesn't sound like partner is the position he has in mind.

Then there is the child thing.  He may seriously want to have a son, I bet he is thinking son, while he is young enough to be active with him.  If the kid is born when he is thirty, he will be 40 when the kid is ten.  Every person under 30 knows that death occurs shortly after 40.  Anyway, he may know that you are in less of a rush and wants the freedom to look for someone more ready to get pregnant.

Marriage.  I tend to be more in his side on this one.  I don't know that the government created it, but is does keep lawyers in full employment.  If all else were going well, he might agree, but all is not going well.

I say to look around.  There may be a better choice for you just standing around.

answered Jan 7 by Welloone (493,050 points)
0 votes

I understand his need for security, but never would I ever suggest to the love of my life that she could date others.  I would just say I need a break to focus on my career.


Men want to provide and provide security for their family.  Right now his career is unstable and he wants to make it secure for you.

Where he went wrong is suggesting to date others


Time is simply how we live our lives-Craig Sager

answered Jan 10 by curiousguy (394,920 points)
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